[Shrek] A Public Service Announcement

I can't hold my tongue any longer. After years of keeping my mouth shut and pretending not to notice, I can no longer sit by silently and allow you to make a fool of yourself. Truly, I'm doing this for your own good.

Hey dude, you're bald.

I know you think you're fooling us with that comb over that parts your hair an inch above your ear, but you're not. We can tell. Honest. The fact your hair all points in the same direction is a big clue that you have very little of it.

Being bald is not a big deal. I'm bald. I have been for a very long time. In the battle between my forehead and hair line the winner was obvious, although lately it seems peace has broken out and the follicle full-retreat has stopped.

My father was bald. My brother is bald. We got over it. You can too, and you can do it without the need for massive amounts of therapy.

Yes, I wear hats. And yes, I do own a lot of them. But I don't wear them to hide the fact I don't have hair, I wear them to avoid burning the top of my head. When you're bald you have to watch out for stuff like that.

Something else I need to say--if you're an older person, male or female, your hair should not be jet black. It also should not be fire engine red, bleach blond, nor any other color that looks like it was done with Paint Shop Pro. If you don't like the grey that's invading your mane, might I suggest something a tad closer to what your natural hair color was. A touch of highlights of different shades of your "natural" color would look nice too.

Your friends and family will love you no matter what your hair looks like. And once you know that, who cares what anyone else really thinks.