Monday, December 24, 2007

[Fiona] A Little Love

It is Christmas Eve. Shrek and I ventured out earlier and brought home Chinese food. A tradition his mom started a few years ago. I actually look forward to it every year. I even saved points just for tonight. I am sure I ate more than I allowed myself but life goes on...

For the entirety of our marriage I have never been able to surprise Shrek.Tonight that changes. I bought him a Christmas gift. One I put extra thought into. I even managed to hide it in a place he would never look. I think he is just skilled at reading other people and would probably make a good judge, or cop, or poker player.

While we buy Christmas gifts for the people in our lives we never get gifts for each other as we both believe that love should be celebrated everyday not just once a year with a pretty box and a bow.

This year is different. Shrek, whom I love more than mere words can express, deserves to have a wonderful Christmas. So much has changed and happened to us this year that I just wanted to show him how much I really do love him. Shrek stands by me in sickness and in health. He loves me in the rain and wind. He loves me thick or thin. He is a one-in-a million and I am fortunate to love him and be loved by him.

Merry Christmas Shrek...I LOVE YOU

Thursday, December 13, 2007

[Fiona] You Can't Mean Me

OK I have finally calmed down enough to post this rant. What the cheese, people? Traffic lights still apply during a snow storm! Traffic should move in a forward direction cautiously and when the light changes: STOP! ! ! and calmly wait for your FUCKIN' TURN ! I left my place of employment today 45 minutes early because the inches where collecting rather rapidly. On an average day I live 10-15 minutes away. Today it took Shrek and I approximately 90 minutes to go the same distance. It was not all the weather's fault.

It never ceases to amaze me that the Average Joe thinks he is so much more important than the next guy. Listen up Ass! Yes, I mean you and you know who you are. Mr.Tough Guy, who is trying to push his girlfriend's stalled car at a busy intersection. In a storm we are all the same UNLESS you are driving a firetruck, an ambulance, a police vehicle or a plow. Just in case nobody ever told you; it is ILLEGAL to push a car with another car not to mention how brainless and dangerous it is. Here's an idea; buy your BITCH a good car. I noticed you were driving a tricked out SUV while she was driving some piece-or-shit leftover from the 80's. Here's another idea: AAA and a cell phone, for her. That way the next time she breaks down and it will happen( seeing she drives that beauty)she won't have to be embarrassed by your asinine behavior.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

[Shrek & Fiona] Holiday Message

As we are now in the holiday season, please accept our heartfelt holiday greeting:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

We also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2008, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "America" in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:

This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

Any and all applicable taxes that arise from accepting this greeting are the sole responsibility of the wishee.

Yours neutrally,
Shrek & Fiona