[Fiona] ERGH !!!

Ok just a few rants before I go out of my skin. So hubby and I purchased a new laptop for me awhile back. I love it; however, I hate that it has a web cam. I have never been a known narcissus. I can not tell you the number of times in one session at the keyboard I accidentally turn the flickin' thing on and catch a glimpse of myself typing away. It freaks me out every time. Thank God it is not hooked up to anyone or site where I might be seen in my semi clad glory. I do my best think typing at the crack of dawn or the deepest darkest part of the day like-ish 8 pm or so. Sometimes I am dressed sometimes, well use that talented imagination of yours. ;)

Onto my next rant. I am a collector. I like giraffes and dragons and cute stuffed crap. I am a chick and I like shit that sparkles, OK? Deal. I recently bought a penguin at the Disney store dressed in a dragon costume. Mad cool except to join their little club online cost a body almost $60/year. Oh you can join for $6/mo and play as you go. Mind you this is supposed to be a kid site but it is rife with grownups, me being on of them :) So I am Peter Pan incarnate, again Deal. What makes me angry? You can get an account for free but all the cool things that you want access to costs $$ and not small change either.

Not very family friendly if you ask me, just do the math. If a family has 4 kiddles times $60/yr for each kid = a whole lotta beans! I like Webkinz better. Easier to use, more things to do. Better assortment of animals and games to play. I also like the fact that you can own a lot of webbies and interchange them at will. Not so at Club Penguin. If you own more than one penguin you need a membership for each one at $6/mo for each= broke in no time flat. Long live Webkinz :)

[Fiona] Angst

Angst is one of my favorite all time words. This describes me to a tee.

"Angst is a German word for fear or anxiety. It is used in English to describe a more intense feeling of internal emotional strife. Angst, in contemporary connotative use, most often describes the intense frustration and other related emotions of teenagers and the mood of the music with which they identify. Punk rock, grunge, rock and roll, and virtually any Alternative Rock dramatically combining elements of discord, melancholy and excitement may be said to assert angst"

That would be me. Intense internal emotional strife or in plain English I am a hot mess. I don't mean to be that way it just sort of happens. I am prone to worry and indecision. I drive myself crazy. I enrage Shrek with it.

I stepped away from my weight loss journey. Not very smart on my part. I want to be able to live my life without belonging to the cult known as WW. The sad truth; however, is that I am a food addict so I need that support. It is just part of what makes me who I am. I am trying to let go of my demons. I do not know how to relax. I can be so intense over life that I scare myself.

I am fortunate. I have a hubby who loves me even though I am certifiable. We have a pretty great life together just being us. I need to learn to vocalize my frustrations with myself and situations in a better way. I want to be the best version of me that I can. Seems I need to do more work on myself and spend less time analyzing what is wrong in my life or with me or my job or a million other things I obsess over.