[Shrek] Thanks for the mammaries

In the past couple weeks I've had a couple topics I wanted to share with folks but so far hadn't gotten around to it yet. But after yesterday one of those subjects popped up again, so I guess it was a signal that I should spend a few minutes and talk about them.

I like breasts.

I have always been a breast man, and make no apologies about it. I never judge a woman by the size or shape of her breasts, and I'm not one of those testosterone driven morons that stares at a woman's chest while having a conversation with them.

Fiona knows I'm a breast man and is very amused by it, even occasionally laughingly pointing out a pair that are worthy of such notice. Usually that "notice" is when the woman is wearing something inappropriate for the size of her bosoms. Or, in some cases, not wearing.

Fiona and I were in Target recently during the early June heat wave, shopping for some shirts for her as she had very few summer-weight tops. Well, perhaps more correctly, she was shopping and I was enjoying the store's air conditioning.

As I'm standing there feigning interest in the stuff Fiona is looking at, two college age girls come strolling by with their puppies running free. Observant as I am I noticed immediately, and determined they were the perfect size to be allowed to roam leash-less. They also decided to look at the same displays Fiona was looking at and were in my through line, so my interest became slightly less "feigned".

(For those that don't know what a "through line" is, it's the imaginary path that a golf ball would travel on should the putted ball go past the hole; or the path of continued trajectory of a bullet fired that missed its target. This will come as no shock that guys use it all the time to obscure what they're really looking at.)

Unfortunately, also in my through line was two older women of a slightly larger size that also decided on the hot day to let their doggies run free. They also both chose to wear tops that were not really conducive to folks that are not in decent physical shape. It was not a pretty sight.

So, as a person that has spent a lot of time noticing boobs of all types and sizes, allow me to make an observation for you that might help when choosing what to wear when going out:

If you're college aged and in shape, let the puppies run free. If your child is college aged or you're not in shape so much, tie those doggies down. Please.

Now about yesterday.

Fiona and I went to a cookout/graduation party for the daughter of a woman Fiona went to school with. As one would expect at such a gathering, there were several recent high-school graduates--all girls--along with a couple "drinking age" girls that are friends of the graduate's older sister.

Not knowing anyone at the party and not really seeing any group of folks I'd fit in with, I basically stayed close to Fiona, who herself only really knew a couple of folks at the party. We stayed in the kitchen area, mostly because that's where Fiona's friend spent most of her time preparing stuff during the party. The gaggle of girls was also there, but for except when they went into a mass-giggle they weren't really doing anything to attract attention to themselves.

After a while a friend of the host's shows up with his room mate. He's an older (50ish) gay man that we had met last year at a housewarming party, and is a very funny person that makes no bones about his sexual orientation. He is a touch "stereotypical" (although, aren't we all in one way or another?), and plays that up using humor. He's one of the few people I've met that I've actually thought would make a great stand up comic.

But at one point it got a little creepy.

Despite being a connoisseur of breasts, I think it would be a little odd for me to be starting a discussing of a girl's breasts when she's younger than my daughter. It just seems like one of those topics an older male--gay or not--probably shouldn't be bringing up addressing a group of young girls. Never mind doing it twice. I know I'm a pig when it comes to breasts, but I at least exercise a little discretion about it.

Although we did find out that one of the drinking aged girls--who was already "well served" at this point--had bosoms sized 36G (which I had guessed correctly in my mind) and has uneven nipples (even The Amazing Kreskin would have been lucky to guess that). She did have the common sense to tie those doggies up, although that may have been out of necessity as she may have fallen over forward had she not.