It is Christmas Eve. Shrek and I ventured out earlier and brought home Chinese food. A tradition his mom started a few years ago. I actually look forward to it every year. I even saved points just for tonight. I am sure I ate more than I allowed myself but life goes on...
For the entirety of our marriage I have never been able to surprise Shrek.Tonight that changes. I bought him a Christmas gift. One I put extra thought into. I even managed to hide it in a place he would never look. I think he is just skilled at reading other people and would probably make a good judge, or cop, or poker player.
While we buy Christmas gifts for the people in our lives we never get gifts for each other as we both believe that love should be celebrated everyday not just once a year with a pretty box and a bow.
This year is different. Shrek, whom I love more than mere words can express, deserves to have a wonderful Christmas. So much has changed and happened to us this year that I just wanted to show him how much I really do love him. Shrek stands by me in sickness and in health. He loves me in the rain and wind. He loves me thick or thin. He is a one-in-a million and I am fortunate to love him and be loved by him.
Merry Christmas Shrek...I LOVE YOU
Monday, December 24, 2007
Thursday, December 13, 2007
[Fiona] You Can't Mean Me
OK I have finally calmed down enough to post this rant. What the cheese, people? Traffic lights still apply during a snow storm! Traffic should move in a forward direction cautiously and when the light changes: STOP! ! ! and calmly wait for your FUCKIN' TURN ! I left my place of employment today 45 minutes early because the inches where collecting rather rapidly. On an average day I live 10-15 minutes away. Today it took Shrek and I approximately 90 minutes to go the same distance. It was not all the weather's fault.
It never ceases to amaze me that the Average Joe thinks he is so much more important than the next guy. Listen up Ass! Yes, I mean you and you know who you are. Mr.Tough Guy, who is trying to push his girlfriend's stalled car at a busy intersection. In a storm we are all the same UNLESS you are driving a firetruck, an ambulance, a police vehicle or a plow. Just in case nobody ever told you; it is ILLEGAL to push a car with another car not to mention how brainless and dangerous it is. Here's an idea; buy your BITCH a good car. I noticed you were driving a tricked out SUV while she was driving some piece-or-shit leftover from the 80's. Here's another idea: AAA and a cell phone, for her. That way the next time she breaks down and it will happen( seeing she drives that beauty)she won't have to be embarrassed by your asinine behavior.
It never ceases to amaze me that the Average Joe thinks he is so much more important than the next guy. Listen up Ass! Yes, I mean you and you know who you are. Mr.Tough Guy, who is trying to push his girlfriend's stalled car at a busy intersection. In a storm we are all the same UNLESS you are driving a firetruck, an ambulance, a police vehicle or a plow. Just in case nobody ever told you; it is ILLEGAL to push a car with another car not to mention how brainless and dangerous it is. Here's an idea; buy your BITCH a good car. I noticed you were driving a tricked out SUV while she was driving some piece-or-shit leftover from the 80's. Here's another idea: AAA and a cell phone, for her. That way the next time she breaks down and it will happen( seeing she drives that beauty)she won't have to be embarrassed by your asinine behavior.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
[Shrek & Fiona] Holiday Message
As we are now in the holiday season, please accept our heartfelt holiday greeting:
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.
We also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2008, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "America" in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual preference of the wishee.
By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:
This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.
Any and all applicable taxes that arise from accepting this greeting are the sole responsibility of the wishee.
Yours neutrally,
Shrek & Fiona
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.
We also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2008, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "America" in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual preference of the wishee.
By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:
This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.
Any and all applicable taxes that arise from accepting this greeting are the sole responsibility of the wishee.
Yours neutrally,
Shrek & Fiona
Sunday, November 25, 2007
[Fiona] Ho ! Ho ! Ho !
Do not think this about Christmas my friends for you are sadly mistaken. This is merely commentary to an event I witnessed on Southbridge Street last night. Dear Shrek and I attended an AHL hockey game at the DCU Center. The Worcester Sharks hosted the Providence Bruins. Good game. Fun for everyone but sadly, we lost.
A friend of ours met us at the game. We graciously offered to drive him homeward after the evenings festivities came to a halt. Well, being the "super organized femme fatale" that I am, I let my vehicle's gasoline reserves reach near empty proportions. After we were all comfortably seated in the car, I suggested to Shrek that we find an open pumping station. If I had only known...
From the DCU Center the best way to get to Route 290 West towards Auburn is via Southbridge Street in Worcester. Along Southbridge Street there are many abandoned businesses and a rail yard. It is not one of the nicest neighborhoods on a good day. It does, however; have a 24 hour Gulf gas station. The three of us pooled our money. With the impending hour looming near 11 pm, I sent Shrek into the station to secure $11 of gas from the Gas Gods.
Our friend,Skip,is an older guy in his early sixties. Shrek and I are barely into our forties. He's seen a little more of life than we have. Imagine my surprise when he was shocked to see a car loaded up with the usual "garden variety" whores. I know it wasn't that they were whores. It was more like; there's a gaggle of them and they are using this gas station as a "pump and go".
While Skip and I waited for Shrek to reappear from the depths of the store we watched as these "ladies" primped and strutted. One spent her time brushing her teeth (perhaps fresh breath masks just how much dick you've had). Skip's exact words,"I thought I had seen everything!"
Before our departure from this Port of Sin, Shrek reveled us with his first hand encounter within the confines of the store. Apparently a few of the ladies in front of him purchased enough condoms to satisfy the male population of local the naval academy.
After we had nourished our car with life giving fluids we drove off, leaving the ladies to their nasty business. Our stop at this station left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Perhaps, I should have asked to borrow a toothbrush and some paste.
A friend of ours met us at the game. We graciously offered to drive him homeward after the evenings festivities came to a halt. Well, being the "super organized femme fatale" that I am, I let my vehicle's gasoline reserves reach near empty proportions. After we were all comfortably seated in the car, I suggested to Shrek that we find an open pumping station. If I had only known...
From the DCU Center the best way to get to Route 290 West towards Auburn is via Southbridge Street in Worcester. Along Southbridge Street there are many abandoned businesses and a rail yard. It is not one of the nicest neighborhoods on a good day. It does, however; have a 24 hour Gulf gas station. The three of us pooled our money. With the impending hour looming near 11 pm, I sent Shrek into the station to secure $11 of gas from the Gas Gods.
Our friend,Skip,is an older guy in his early sixties. Shrek and I are barely into our forties. He's seen a little more of life than we have. Imagine my surprise when he was shocked to see a car loaded up with the usual "garden variety" whores. I know it wasn't that they were whores. It was more like; there's a gaggle of them and they are using this gas station as a "pump and go".
While Skip and I waited for Shrek to reappear from the depths of the store we watched as these "ladies" primped and strutted. One spent her time brushing her teeth (perhaps fresh breath masks just how much dick you've had). Skip's exact words,"I thought I had seen everything!"
Before our departure from this Port of Sin, Shrek reveled us with his first hand encounter within the confines of the store. Apparently a few of the ladies in front of him purchased enough condoms to satisfy the male population of local the naval academy.
After we had nourished our car with life giving fluids we drove off, leaving the ladies to their nasty business. Our stop at this station left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Perhaps, I should have asked to borrow a toothbrush and some paste.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
[Fiona] Turkey Coma
OMG! Today Shrek and I hosted not one but two Thanksgiving dinners. I am so sleepy. The manufacturers of sleeping agents really should do some research into the turkey induced coma. I am sure that the pies and other assorted weight bearing heavy cream filled goodies help fuel that bogged down I need a nap feeling but I am not sure. As the readers of this blog know I am WW member and so holidays are risky for me.
I did the best I could and I made sure to stop and think between courses. I ate the family recipe. A funked out bread and hamburg stuffing that has been poked and improved over the years. A personal favorite of mine. I peeled and cooked 10 lbs of potatoes and 4 gi-normous squash. My arms hurt. I burnt my thumbs holding turkey thighs as I cut meat into manageable slabs and I was happy. Happy that my sister made it from NY. Happy that my step-daughter and her little girl came. Happy that at end of this very long day I had not ONE dessert. Happy that I survived Thanksgiving.
I did the best I could and I made sure to stop and think between courses. I ate the family recipe. A funked out bread and hamburg stuffing that has been poked and improved over the years. A personal favorite of mine. I peeled and cooked 10 lbs of potatoes and 4 gi-normous squash. My arms hurt. I burnt my thumbs holding turkey thighs as I cut meat into manageable slabs and I was happy. Happy that my sister made it from NY. Happy that my step-daughter and her little girl came. Happy that at end of this very long day I had not ONE dessert. Happy that I survived Thanksgiving.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
[Shrek] A Few Words About Words
I am addicted to books.
I am not ashamed to admit it, nor do I plan on doing anything to stop this addiction. I also think an intervention is unlikely as Fiona is also addicted, so at least for now I can live my life without worry of friends telling me to stop reading.
One thing that does bother me is book publishes taking advantage of us book addicted folks.
I understand that it costs a lot of money to publish a book, and while I cringe when I plop down $7.99 for a book that can't be found at the many discount retailers, I get the concept that without paying that much no one along the chain of writer-publisher-seller makes money, meaning that less books would be produced.
While I'd like the price to go back to the $2.95 it was when I started buying books, I'm not looking for them to drop the price. I get that the folks involved have to pay rent and eat just like everyone else. I do not begrudge anyone from making a little money while the book passes through their "step" in the chain.
But someone needs to tell me why the new paperback format costs $9.95.
Let me get this straight--only the print is larger, not the actual length of the book? And to accommodate this larger print you've made the pages bigger and spread the text over more pages? And for this you're charging me an extra $2?
Huh?
Case in point, the two books I'm reading now: Memorial Day by Vince Flynn, and Kushiel's Scion by Jacqueline Carey (no, not that Jacqueline Carey, the one that's a fantasy writer). Both are writers that I'd have no problem calling their previous works "great".
Memorial Day is in the new, larger format and font, and is 564 pages not including the preview if his next novel...$9.95 cover price.
Kushiel's Scion is in the standard format, and is 943 pages not including the preview of her next novel...$7.99 cover price.
Two bucks for less stuff? Huh?
Obviously the price didn't bother me that much as I purchased them both. What it really results in is now I'll be reluctant to try new writers when I see their stuff while browsing. Other folks I know have said the same thing.
That means, at least in theory, that people along the chain in the book selling profession will end up making less money. And in an economy where entertainment money is hard to come by for many folks, that could be another nail in the coffin for the book publishing industry.
Thank God for used book stores...there's lots of new authors I can try at half-cover price.
I am not ashamed to admit it, nor do I plan on doing anything to stop this addiction. I also think an intervention is unlikely as Fiona is also addicted, so at least for now I can live my life without worry of friends telling me to stop reading.
One thing that does bother me is book publishes taking advantage of us book addicted folks.
I understand that it costs a lot of money to publish a book, and while I cringe when I plop down $7.99 for a book that can't be found at the many discount retailers, I get the concept that without paying that much no one along the chain of writer-publisher-seller makes money, meaning that less books would be produced.
While I'd like the price to go back to the $2.95 it was when I started buying books, I'm not looking for them to drop the price. I get that the folks involved have to pay rent and eat just like everyone else. I do not begrudge anyone from making a little money while the book passes through their "step" in the chain.
But someone needs to tell me why the new paperback format costs $9.95.
Let me get this straight--only the print is larger, not the actual length of the book? And to accommodate this larger print you've made the pages bigger and spread the text over more pages? And for this you're charging me an extra $2?
Huh?
Case in point, the two books I'm reading now: Memorial Day by Vince Flynn, and Kushiel's Scion by Jacqueline Carey (no, not that Jacqueline Carey, the one that's a fantasy writer). Both are writers that I'd have no problem calling their previous works "great".
Memorial Day is in the new, larger format and font, and is 564 pages not including the preview if his next novel...$9.95 cover price.
Kushiel's Scion is in the standard format, and is 943 pages not including the preview of her next novel...$7.99 cover price.
Two bucks for less stuff? Huh?
Obviously the price didn't bother me that much as I purchased them both. What it really results in is now I'll be reluctant to try new writers when I see their stuff while browsing. Other folks I know have said the same thing.
That means, at least in theory, that people along the chain in the book selling profession will end up making less money. And in an economy where entertainment money is hard to come by for many folks, that could be another nail in the coffin for the book publishing industry.
Thank God for used book stores...there's lots of new authors I can try at half-cover price.
Sunday, October 7, 2007
[Fiona] Fun With the Twins
I went out last Friday night to the Manor Restaurant in West Boylston. A few girls from work had an idea about going out as a group to try something different. What a time we had. Dinner and drinks with a show. The Edwards Twins were the act. Identical twins well, almost. This dynamic duo of brotherhood perform an act they call "Celebrities on Stage". According to their website they do something like 150 different celebrities between them. Eddie handles the women while Anthony tackles the men.
Speaking for myself I didn't know what to expect. I drove to the Manor with mixed enthusiasm. The only celebrity impersonator I have ever seen (and he was on Merv Griffin at the time) was Jim Bailey. His impression of Streisand,topnotch. The memory of his performance played through my mind as I waited in the parking lot for my friends to arrive. Could this show be any good?
My gal pals arrived in plenty of time to enjoy cocktail hour. We were ushered to our seats, front row center. Damn Excellent Seats. I dare say the best seats in the house. Seating for six. We introduced ourselves to our table mates. I will call them J and K (to protect their innocence [wink wink nudge nudge]) nice people really. Easy dinner companions if you will. Through casual conversation we realized we all the know same woman. I should tell you that my gal pals and I all work for the same company and J ,of the now famous J and K Duo, works for a waste disposal company that services our company. It is indeed a small world, six degrees of separation and all that.
I do not want to bore the reader with endless details of what was served up for supper. Suffice it to say it was hot, tasty and came with chocolate cake and coffee. On with the show...
Good evening ladies and gentlemen....back story on the Edwards Twins...out pops Bette Midler.
Eddie hit the stage first as the Devine Miss M. He explained a little about their act and made a few witty remarks and then launched into his first skit. I was very impressed. His makeup, mannerisms and chat were Bette enough that it was easy to become lost in its effects to the point I cried when he broke into a rendition of "Wind Beneath My Wings". Anthony hit the stage next as the "Piano Man" Billy Joel. Very smooth; makeup right, hair/beard right...piano work excellent. I found myself clapping and singing along and really enjoying myself. The audience was treated to Barbra Streisand, Rod Stewart, Kermit the Frog, Elton John, Cher with and without Sonny and... well you will just have to catch a show to see who else showed up.
The answer to my question. Yes, the show was good. It was better than that. It exceeded my expectations; I would love to see their show again.
Speaking for myself I didn't know what to expect. I drove to the Manor with mixed enthusiasm. The only celebrity impersonator I have ever seen (and he was on Merv Griffin at the time) was Jim Bailey. His impression of Streisand,topnotch. The memory of his performance played through my mind as I waited in the parking lot for my friends to arrive. Could this show be any good?
My gal pals arrived in plenty of time to enjoy cocktail hour. We were ushered to our seats, front row center. Damn Excellent Seats. I dare say the best seats in the house. Seating for six. We introduced ourselves to our table mates. I will call them J and K (to protect their innocence [wink wink nudge nudge]) nice people really. Easy dinner companions if you will. Through casual conversation we realized we all the know same woman. I should tell you that my gal pals and I all work for the same company and J ,of the now famous J and K Duo, works for a waste disposal company that services our company. It is indeed a small world, six degrees of separation and all that.
I do not want to bore the reader with endless details of what was served up for supper. Suffice it to say it was hot, tasty and came with chocolate cake and coffee. On with the show...
Good evening ladies and gentlemen....back story on the Edwards Twins...out pops Bette Midler.
Eddie hit the stage first as the Devine Miss M. He explained a little about their act and made a few witty remarks and then launched into his first skit. I was very impressed. His makeup, mannerisms and chat were Bette enough that it was easy to become lost in its effects to the point I cried when he broke into a rendition of "Wind Beneath My Wings". Anthony hit the stage next as the "Piano Man" Billy Joel. Very smooth; makeup right, hair/beard right...piano work excellent. I found myself clapping and singing along and really enjoying myself. The audience was treated to Barbra Streisand, Rod Stewart, Kermit the Frog, Elton John, Cher with and without Sonny and... well you will just have to catch a show to see who else showed up.
The answer to my question. Yes, the show was good. It was better than that. It exceeded my expectations; I would love to see their show again.
Friday, October 5, 2007
[Shrek] Doing a Little Housekeeping
I've edited the blog a little...odds are you won't notice unless I mention what I did.
I've added a couple things to the links menu. The first is Sharkspage, the sports blog I post to covering the Worcester Sharks. The second is Fiona's Large Marge blog about her weight loss.
I've also trimmed the amount of blog entries shown on the main page to ten. It was getting a tad long the way we were doing it, and with the links to older posts on the right it seemed silly to have them all listed.
And lastly, I edited the title to show that we're ogres, not trolls. The "real" Shrek and Fiona would want it that way. ;)
I've added a couple things to the links menu. The first is Sharkspage, the sports blog I post to covering the Worcester Sharks. The second is Fiona's Large Marge blog about her weight loss.
I've also trimmed the amount of blog entries shown on the main page to ten. It was getting a tad long the way we were doing it, and with the links to older posts on the right it seemed silly to have them all listed.
And lastly, I edited the title to show that we're ogres, not trolls. The "real" Shrek and Fiona would want it that way. ;)
Sunday, September 30, 2007
[Fiona] WTF !
Anyone who uses text messaging will recognize the gist of my feelings from the title. I went to my friendly, local WW meeting this morning. I lost 2.6 pounds this week. For the record, I have lost 89.6 pounds in 30 weeks. I have worked diligently at adopting and adapting new eating habits. Recently, I have even taken up exercise as well. So imagine my shock when my leader told me that I need to get a note from my doctor to continue my efforts as "corporate has been cracking down on leaders who allow people to lose more than the allotted average 2 pounds a week" OKAY! WHAT THE FUCK!?!
My WW meeting means the world to me. I have met some really incredible people there. In the book you get that very first week it says,"Please note : Everyone loses weight at a different pace. The success stories you see in the WW program materials are included for your inspiration and motivation. They are not representative of the results you may achieve." Even their own front office admits individual results may happen,from the mouths of babes.
In my lifetime I have lost and gained enough pounds to sustain 2 people. When I diet I stick to program and the weight falls off as it chooses not as I choose. I understand the concern. Sometimes people go to the opposite extreme. They become obsessed with losing weight and make themselves sick in the process. This week I will put a call into my doctor to touch base and make sure that I am indeed healthy. I am confident that the answer will be; yes, absolutely. I haven't felt this well since I was in my 20's.
Just so you know corporate people at WW. The best way to kill some one's best efforts is to pull a stunt like the one visited on myself today. My spirit and my efforts will not be crushed.
My WW meeting means the world to me. I have met some really incredible people there. In the book you get that very first week it says,"Please note : Everyone loses weight at a different pace. The success stories you see in the WW program materials are included for your inspiration and motivation. They are not representative of the results you may achieve." Even their own front office admits individual results may happen,from the mouths of babes.
In my lifetime I have lost and gained enough pounds to sustain 2 people. When I diet I stick to program and the weight falls off as it chooses not as I choose. I understand the concern. Sometimes people go to the opposite extreme. They become obsessed with losing weight and make themselves sick in the process. This week I will put a call into my doctor to touch base and make sure that I am indeed healthy. I am confident that the answer will be; yes, absolutely. I haven't felt this well since I was in my 20's.
Just so you know corporate people at WW. The best way to kill some one's best efforts is to pull a stunt like the one visited on myself today. My spirit and my efforts will not be crushed.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
[Fiona] Large Marge Chronicles
I have created a blog of my very own called oddly enough Large Marge Chronicles. I felt that it would be a good thing as it will only be about my experiences on my road to the "Land of Normal Sizes". I didn't tell Shrek of my intentions and he has informed me that he doesn't have a problem with me chronicling about my journey here. I will be blogging at both spots until I figure out what is best for me. So watch for up and coming posts about the crazy and off beat happenings I call my life. So goodnight kids as I am off to the gym to do water aerobics...
Sunday, September 23, 2007
[Shrek] Television for the new season
If you're not really interested in what Fiona and I will be watching during the new fall TV season, this will be a very long and boring blog entry. If you are interested, it will just be long.
Ever since Fiona and I decided to get the DVR through Charter we've been able to watch a lot more television shows than we did before we had it. Automatic recording (without having to deal with changing video tape), fast forwarding through commercials, and being able to watch the programs when we want make the DVR well worth the money. Finding the time to watch all the programs is tough sometimes, but it's still worth it.
Starting on Monday nights the DVR gets a workout as Fiona and I both go out that night. We'll be recording the NBC lineup that night, with new shows Chuck (website) and Journeyman (website) sandwiched around one of our favorite returning shows, Heroes (website).
Tuesday nights have just a couple of shows we're watching on CBS, with NCIS (website) being one we made sure not to miss even before we got the DVR. Fiona's favorite character is Abby, the heavily into goth forensic specialist. We'll also be checking out the new show Cane (website), although I'm not sure this one will make the cut.
On Wednesday the DVR will approach meltdown as it records five different shows, including two at the same time TWICE! We'll begin with Back To You (website), the only sitcom on our list. It started last week and stars Kelsey Grammer and Patricia Heaton. Fred Willard also stars, and that alone makes it worth watching. While we're watching/recording that, we're also recording Pushing Daisies (website), a show about a person that can touch dead people and make them alive again, and he uses that talent to solve crimes. It sounds...interesting.
At 9pm we have another two shows going at once, the Grey's Anatomy spin-off called Private Practice (website) on ABC, and the new NBC show Bionic Woman (website). One of these shows is probably going to kill off the other, so I suspect one will be moving or canceled before too long. After those two we'll be recording another new NBC show, Life (website). Of all the new shows, this one looks like the most likely winner. (If that isn't the Kiss of Death for the show I don't know what is).
Thursday is an easy night, with just Grey's Anatomy (website) on the docket.
Friday is another CBS evening, with Fiona's favorite show Ghost Whisperer (website). It's a show that I watched during season one, but I just couldn't get into it. The next is a new show about vampire fighters, Moonlight (website), an easy addition to our lineup. The evening ends with Numb3rs (website), a show that may be the best on television.
Saturday and Sunday sees just one show being recorded, Shark (website). Fiona doesn't watch it, and to be honest it isn't that great of a show. But it has James Woods being a continuous smartass, and I find that's enough to carry the show.
Other programs we watch but don't care too much if we miss is Mythbusters (website) on Discovery, Real Time with Bill Maher (website) on HBO (a show that Fiona says she "hates"), and an assorted amount of stuff on The History Channel.
So there you have it, the shows we're planning on watching...
...lineup subject to change, of course.
Ever since Fiona and I decided to get the DVR through Charter we've been able to watch a lot more television shows than we did before we had it. Automatic recording (without having to deal with changing video tape), fast forwarding through commercials, and being able to watch the programs when we want make the DVR well worth the money. Finding the time to watch all the programs is tough sometimes, but it's still worth it.
Starting on Monday nights the DVR gets a workout as Fiona and I both go out that night. We'll be recording the NBC lineup that night, with new shows Chuck (website) and Journeyman (website) sandwiched around one of our favorite returning shows, Heroes (website).
Tuesday nights have just a couple of shows we're watching on CBS, with NCIS (website) being one we made sure not to miss even before we got the DVR. Fiona's favorite character is Abby, the heavily into goth forensic specialist. We'll also be checking out the new show Cane (website), although I'm not sure this one will make the cut.
On Wednesday the DVR will approach meltdown as it records five different shows, including two at the same time TWICE! We'll begin with Back To You (website), the only sitcom on our list. It started last week and stars Kelsey Grammer and Patricia Heaton. Fred Willard also stars, and that alone makes it worth watching. While we're watching/recording that, we're also recording Pushing Daisies (website), a show about a person that can touch dead people and make them alive again, and he uses that talent to solve crimes. It sounds...interesting.
At 9pm we have another two shows going at once, the Grey's Anatomy spin-off called Private Practice (website) on ABC, and the new NBC show Bionic Woman (website). One of these shows is probably going to kill off the other, so I suspect one will be moving or canceled before too long. After those two we'll be recording another new NBC show, Life (website). Of all the new shows, this one looks like the most likely winner. (If that isn't the Kiss of Death for the show I don't know what is).
Thursday is an easy night, with just Grey's Anatomy (website) on the docket.
Friday is another CBS evening, with Fiona's favorite show Ghost Whisperer (website). It's a show that I watched during season one, but I just couldn't get into it. The next is a new show about vampire fighters, Moonlight (website), an easy addition to our lineup. The evening ends with Numb3rs (website), a show that may be the best on television.
Saturday and Sunday sees just one show being recorded, Shark (website). Fiona doesn't watch it, and to be honest it isn't that great of a show. But it has James Woods being a continuous smartass, and I find that's enough to carry the show.
Other programs we watch but don't care too much if we miss is Mythbusters (website) on Discovery, Real Time with Bill Maher (website) on HBO (a show that Fiona says she "hates"), and an assorted amount of stuff on The History Channel.
So there you have it, the shows we're planning on watching...
...lineup subject to change, of course.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
[Shrek & Fiona] A New Look
Out with old, in with the new...
...well, new for us anyway. We've decided to ditch the black background and switch to a more eye-pleasing blue.
Fiona thought the black color was a look that was too dark, and made it difficult to read the posts. I had no opinion on the matter, so we made the change.
Compromises like this show why our relationship has lasted as long as it has.
...well, new for us anyway. We've decided to ditch the black background and switch to a more eye-pleasing blue.
Fiona thought the black color was a look that was too dark, and made it difficult to read the posts. I had no opinion on the matter, so we made the change.
Compromises like this show why our relationship has lasted as long as it has.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
[Fiona] Soup's On
.jpg)
Shrek and I have a cat the color of Halloween. Her name is Esmeralda.We inherited her after the passing of Shrek's grandmother two summers ago. I have come to believe that she was named after Alice Ghostly's character on Bewitched. Like her name sake she is shy,reserved and tends to skulk about timidly before disappearing. She would rather hang around at your feet than be picked up and pawed (pardon the expression).
Every morning she and I share the same morning routine. My alarm stuns me awake at 5:00 am. I rub the sleep from my eyes and stroll into the lady's room. Esmeralda races me to the bathroom. She waits for me to alight the porcelain and then launches herself onto the counter where she strolls casually back and forth swishing her tail and mewling in my general direction. A quick flush sends her into a frenzy. This is the moment she has waited for...the water. Soup's On.
I try to wash my hands, she tries to get to the water coming out of the spigot. We push against each other. I give her a little room, she steps into the sink and attempts to take over. I shut off the taps and reach into the cabinets to get a washcloth and some towels for my shower and facial rituals. Each and every morning I care for my face utilizing the sink and an assortment of beauty secrets. A girl has to look her best!
Esmeralda watches as I run the water. The stopper goes in. The sink fills with hot water. It is beyond me why she thinks I am making her something to drink but every morning she must taste the "soup". In response to its lack luster flavor she flicks her head at me and turns her back on the sink. In a feeble attempt to enrich the soup's flavor she puts her tail into the sink and flips it across the water. As I continue with the scrubbing of my face, she stirs the soup. I pick her tail out of the water. She flicks it outward, soaking my nightie and promptly dips her tail back into the water. This time I pull it out and give it a quick squeeze so it is not dripping. She gives me that look. You know the one. She is pissed. How dare I wet her tail! Who do you think you are?
She jumps down,looks up at me,mews and leaves me to my own means. I think it's her way of saying, "Same time tomorrow?"
Friday, September 7, 2007
[Fiona] The Story of Large Marge
Hello, My name is Fiona and I am an addict. I love food. Not for its nutritional values but for its textures and smells and delectableness (if that indeed is a word). I am the classic overeater. I eat because of what is eating me. Well, I decided in March of this year to give up the lifestyle. This Large Marge just couldn't take it or fake it anymore. My knees hurt, my back, my soul; there wasn't a square inch of me that wasn't suffering in some way. I needed to face facts...no Twinkie has ever been my friend. He has only been carefully disguised in gooey sweetness to entice me into believe that he and he alone could make me "feel better".
Being honest about the whys of my eating have not been easy. I never realized before that I viewed life through woe-colored glasses. I was the honored guest at my own pity party. There was no room for anyone else's problems, only mine. My hurt, my anger, my disappointments, my failures, I let them hang around my soul like the chains of Marley's ghost. I let the air out of the balloons and sent back all the gifts. That party is officially over.
As of now I have lost 78 pounds. It has been a path I tread not lightly but willingly. Some days it has been dark and scary and yet inviting at the same time for who knows what lies over that hill? I journey on not knowing where I will end up. On the way I have found that there are many people in my life who care for me deeply. Without their love and support I don't know if I would have made it very far on the road. I offer them my deepest thanks and only hope some day I will be able to return all the kindness they have shown and shared with me.
I am now several sizes smaller than when I started. I find myself at a crossroads of decisions. Decisions which should be easy for me to make and yet I find myself hesitating. I am not sure why. Could it be I fear the hill never flattens out? Or lessens? Or changes to smooth and even footing? I think it is that the territory I move in now is closer to a place I have only imagined I can be a part of. That's right, the "Land of Normal Sizes". A place I always thought was just a spot on the map of my life; a nice place to "visit" but there was just no way I'd ever be able to live there.
I now know that spot on the map is a real place. Not today but some day soon I will walk into the "Land of Normal Sizes" and I will fight tooth and nail to stay. To win the day "you must know yourself, stay true to yourself, and wrest your destiny from the grasp of life." Author unknown
Never give up on the person you are meant to become.
Words I try to live by.
Being honest about the whys of my eating have not been easy. I never realized before that I viewed life through woe-colored glasses. I was the honored guest at my own pity party. There was no room for anyone else's problems, only mine. My hurt, my anger, my disappointments, my failures, I let them hang around my soul like the chains of Marley's ghost. I let the air out of the balloons and sent back all the gifts. That party is officially over.
As of now I have lost 78 pounds. It has been a path I tread not lightly but willingly. Some days it has been dark and scary and yet inviting at the same time for who knows what lies over that hill? I journey on not knowing where I will end up. On the way I have found that there are many people in my life who care for me deeply. Without their love and support I don't know if I would have made it very far on the road. I offer them my deepest thanks and only hope some day I will be able to return all the kindness they have shown and shared with me.
I am now several sizes smaller than when I started. I find myself at a crossroads of decisions. Decisions which should be easy for me to make and yet I find myself hesitating. I am not sure why. Could it be I fear the hill never flattens out? Or lessens? Or changes to smooth and even footing? I think it is that the territory I move in now is closer to a place I have only imagined I can be a part of. That's right, the "Land of Normal Sizes". A place I always thought was just a spot on the map of my life; a nice place to "visit" but there was just no way I'd ever be able to live there.
I now know that spot on the map is a real place. Not today but some day soon I will walk into the "Land of Normal Sizes" and I will fight tooth and nail to stay. To win the day "you must know yourself, stay true to yourself, and wrest your destiny from the grasp of life." Author unknown
Never give up on the person you are meant to become.
Words I try to live by.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
[Shrek] The Unlikely Champions
Earlier this summer I wrote about Fiona's and my first night of the summer bowling league. My plan, although I don't recall if I mentioned it as I was at the time more annoyed with Curt Schilling's sudden loss of testicular fortitude, was to simply stay loose over the summer and to enjoy the company of friends.
I figured we'd be good enough to finish no worse than the middle of the pack, and could hopefully play spoiler for the two teams I thought would be in the running to win the league. Nothing that happened the first couple weeks really changed my thinking, and we were all generally having fun.
Week three changed things.
I had promised Fiona we could go to the free Tornadoes exhibition game, and that game fell on a league night. So the day before the game Fiona and I rolled off ("pre-bowled" for all you ten-pinners), with both of us rolling a little over our averages. Josie and Rich then had to face our (at that point) unknown opponents. It turns out we bowled "the old lady" team that week, who decided they were going to "coach" Josie to make her a better bowler. Rich was able to get her to ignore them, and the two of them with our roll off scores absolutely shellacked the old ladies 8-0.
Rich and I exchanged a few e-mails about what happened, and when we all met up the next Tuesday Josie was still irked. And she took it out against the ghost team, helping us beat the invisible foes 8-0.
From that point on we were in first place, and spent every week after running away from the pack. We actually had a chance to lock in first place in week 14, but the teams chasing us didn't co-operate, but we still clinched first in week 16 as the teams behind us made one last futile push.
That made last night a "victory lap". The girls both had great nights, Rich kind of tossed the ball down the alley getting his boxes over, and I had a couple lobs that made me look like a slo-pitch softball pitcher. Along the way we had a lot of laughs, and for the only time this season, got skunked. Not that it mattered. The beer flowed freely, the pizza tasted great, and the fact how we bowled didn't matter made for a great evening.
I finished with the 2nd high average in the league (a book keeping error had me tied with someone else for 2nd, but it would have been too much effort to fix it so we let it stand), and Rich also got an individual prize.
Josie started week one with a 44 average. She ended the season at over 65. I have never seen anyone improve 20 pins in one season, even those like Josie that had never bowled in a league before.
Fiona ended up a little over her normal 66, and despite saying every week she hated the game, had a good time.
Together we made for some very unlikely champions.
I figured we'd be good enough to finish no worse than the middle of the pack, and could hopefully play spoiler for the two teams I thought would be in the running to win the league. Nothing that happened the first couple weeks really changed my thinking, and we were all generally having fun.
Week three changed things.
I had promised Fiona we could go to the free Tornadoes exhibition game, and that game fell on a league night. So the day before the game Fiona and I rolled off ("pre-bowled" for all you ten-pinners), with both of us rolling a little over our averages. Josie and Rich then had to face our (at that point) unknown opponents. It turns out we bowled "the old lady" team that week, who decided they were going to "coach" Josie to make her a better bowler. Rich was able to get her to ignore them, and the two of them with our roll off scores absolutely shellacked the old ladies 8-0.
Rich and I exchanged a few e-mails about what happened, and when we all met up the next Tuesday Josie was still irked. And she took it out against the ghost team, helping us beat the invisible foes 8-0.
From that point on we were in first place, and spent every week after running away from the pack. We actually had a chance to lock in first place in week 14, but the teams chasing us didn't co-operate, but we still clinched first in week 16 as the teams behind us made one last futile push.
That made last night a "victory lap". The girls both had great nights, Rich kind of tossed the ball down the alley getting his boxes over, and I had a couple lobs that made me look like a slo-pitch softball pitcher. Along the way we had a lot of laughs, and for the only time this season, got skunked. Not that it mattered. The beer flowed freely, the pizza tasted great, and the fact how we bowled didn't matter made for a great evening.
I finished with the 2nd high average in the league (a book keeping error had me tied with someone else for 2nd, but it would have been too much effort to fix it so we let it stand), and Rich also got an individual prize.
Josie started week one with a 44 average. She ended the season at over 65. I have never seen anyone improve 20 pins in one season, even those like Josie that had never bowled in a league before.
Fiona ended up a little over her normal 66, and despite saying every week she hated the game, had a good time.
Together we made for some very unlikely champions.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
[Fiona] The Choosing of the Stone
Have any of you ever thought about what goes into choosing a stone? By this I mean a headstone for a grave. It is not as easy as it sounds. Color, weight, quarry, finish, lot size, all of these things have to be taken into account along with what will be sand blasted onto it besides the name(s) of the deceased.
This past weekend my father, my mom's sister and I went to Whitinsville to stone shop. My dad made the final selection through tear soaked eyes. It is a lovely stone from a Canadian quarry. It is sort of rose colored with the words together forever across the front with roses on either side of the wording. There is also a cross adorned with rosary beads (the 'rents are Catholic). The ovearall effect is quite beautiful.
I don't know why but going to my hometown to buy a headstone and check out my parents plot really made me sad. I think the reality of the end of life(for everyone I know and love) was just too much for my poor soul to bear. It's funny how I never realized just how much I love the people in my life.
This past weekend my father, my mom's sister and I went to Whitinsville to stone shop. My dad made the final selection through tear soaked eyes. It is a lovely stone from a Canadian quarry. It is sort of rose colored with the words together forever across the front with roses on either side of the wording. There is also a cross adorned with rosary beads (the 'rents are Catholic). The ovearall effect is quite beautiful.
I don't know why but going to my hometown to buy a headstone and check out my parents plot really made me sad. I think the reality of the end of life(for everyone I know and love) was just too much for my poor soul to bear. It's funny how I never realized just how much I love the people in my life.
Saturday, August 4, 2007
[Fiona] She Lives
Not that anyone in blog land is worried about me, but yes, I am still alive. My life has recently seen an increase in life changing stress and so I haven't felt much like blogging.
That is until today. Today I feel spry.
My mom recently passed away and I have been solely left with the responsibility of caring for my Pops. He is healthy for his age but has the suckiest memory known to man. He knows who I am but can't remember small things like: did I eat? bathe? feed the dog? Small and yet important.
He recently said to me, "I don't know what's wrong with the dog. She goes poop like four times a day. Do you think I should call the vet?"
Apparently the dog knows my dad's memory sucks and being the pig I know her to be, pesters him for snackies she just doesn't need. I have taken to taping a sign on my dad's microwave that says "Don't feed the dog" which seems to work pretty well most of the time. Occassionally, however, my Pops will call me and ask, "how come I can't feed the dog? is she sick?"
He'll laugh because on some level he knows it is because he can't remember things like he used to. Thank god he still has his sense of humor.
I love this man, to me he is unforgettable and I pray that he will always be able to remember me.
That is until today. Today I feel spry.
My mom recently passed away and I have been solely left with the responsibility of caring for my Pops. He is healthy for his age but has the suckiest memory known to man. He knows who I am but can't remember small things like: did I eat? bathe? feed the dog? Small and yet important.
He recently said to me, "I don't know what's wrong with the dog. She goes poop like four times a day. Do you think I should call the vet?"
Apparently the dog knows my dad's memory sucks and being the pig I know her to be, pesters him for snackies she just doesn't need. I have taken to taping a sign on my dad's microwave that says "Don't feed the dog" which seems to work pretty well most of the time. Occassionally, however, my Pops will call me and ask, "how come I can't feed the dog? is she sick?"
He'll laugh because on some level he knows it is because he can't remember things like he used to. Thank god he still has his sense of humor.
I love this man, to me he is unforgettable and I pray that he will always be able to remember me.
Saturday, July 28, 2007
[Shrek] Help Me Save a Friend
This was not the topic I intended to write about today, but something has been brought to my attention that requires I immediately speak out in an attempt to help a friend through his personal crisis.
The first thing is making him realize that there is an issue, but this issue is so personal that I don't want to publicly identify him. I will refer to him as "The Man". I do so because he is referred to that by another friend in her blog, which was where I read that "The Man" was in trouble.
To help others help "The Man", I'll link to the blog entry that contains the startling observations about his problem.
The Night Fantastic: Via Italian Table
Now for those that didn't see where his problem was, I shall quote the relevant part.
He drank a mixed drink with a cutesy name. The horror! This cutesy concoction contained lime vodka and sorbetto. And he drank this in public!!!!
If that is not a cry for help then I don't know what one is. Even Josie notices something is amiss.
That alone is not the issue. After all, trying out a new drink is generally acceptable, even if that drink may be "cutesy". And despite it containing fruit it did contain alcohol, so he does have that going for him. Had he just had the drink it could be easily explainable as just "trying something new"
But it went further. Much further.
I refer you again to the blog entry...
"Couldn't even finish it all"?
Couldn't. Even. Finish. It. All.
He orders a cutesy drink, and then can't finish his meal? That confirms it, that is definitely a cry for help. "The Man" needs our help folks, and we must do everything in our power to help him through this personal struggle.
If you see "The Man" you should immediately drive him to the nearest Gentleman's club. Pay the cover charge for him. If the Gentlemen's club is out, take him to the nearest sporting event. As a last resort just bring him to a bar and buy him a beer. He's partial to Budweiser in those new aluminum bottles, so you may need to bring your debit card with you.
It is our personal duty to help friends in need, so we all must do what we can to help get "The Man" back on track no matter what it takes. He would do the same for us, so we should do no less for him.
Don't worry "The Man"--help is on its way.
The first thing is making him realize that there is an issue, but this issue is so personal that I don't want to publicly identify him. I will refer to him as "The Man". I do so because he is referred to that by another friend in her blog, which was where I read that "The Man" was in trouble.
To help others help "The Man", I'll link to the blog entry that contains the startling observations about his problem.
The Night Fantastic: Via Italian Table
Now for those that didn't see where his problem was, I shall quote the relevant part.
The Man opted for the Italian Ice (which in and of itself nearly made me fall of my chair...no beer? What hath God wrought?) which is a mix of Hangar One lime vodka, limoncello, and sorbetto...
He drank a mixed drink with a cutesy name. The horror! This cutesy concoction contained lime vodka and sorbetto. And he drank this in public!!!!
If that is not a cry for help then I don't know what one is. Even Josie notices something is amiss.
That alone is not the issue. After all, trying out a new drink is generally acceptable, even if that drink may be "cutesy". And despite it containing fruit it did contain alcohol, so he does have that going for him. Had he just had the drink it could be easily explainable as just "trying something new"
But it went further. Much further.
I refer you again to the blog entry...
The Man ordered the Ragu of Italian Meats, because for The Man, being a carnivore isn't a food preference, it's a way of life and a fundamental principal. Via delivered big time here, serving up a huge helping of pasta topped with sauce and pork, a ginormous meatball, beef, chicken and sausage. I am deeply impressed with Via, since The Man...couldn't even finish it all!
"Couldn't even finish it all"?
Couldn't. Even. Finish. It. All.
He orders a cutesy drink, and then can't finish his meal? That confirms it, that is definitely a cry for help. "The Man" needs our help folks, and we must do everything in our power to help him through this personal struggle.
If you see "The Man" you should immediately drive him to the nearest Gentleman's club. Pay the cover charge for him. If the Gentlemen's club is out, take him to the nearest sporting event. As a last resort just bring him to a bar and buy him a beer. He's partial to Budweiser in those new aluminum bottles, so you may need to bring your debit card with you.
It is our personal duty to help friends in need, so we all must do what we can to help get "The Man" back on track no matter what it takes. He would do the same for us, so we should do no less for him.
Don't worry "The Man"--help is on its way.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
[Shrek] Stupid Is As Stupid Does
I was watching some TV last night, and 1 vs 100 is on.
The question was "how many 6 packs would you need if you had 99 bottles of beer on the wall"
Possible answers:
A] More than 15
B] Exactly 15
C] Less than 15
The contestant, a blond woman, said she needed help because....
...she doesn't drink beer.
Oh, no. It get's better.
They go through whatever game mechanic they use and she gets advice from some guy that looks like he knows a little about drinking beer, and he uses some of the worst math imaginable to get to the answer being "more than 15".
She answers "A", which is correct.
They eliminate the several people that got it wrong, including a Maxim model. Bob Saget asks her how she got it wrong and she replied....
....you guessed it....
"I drink wine"
Now I know why Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip got canceled.
The question was "how many 6 packs would you need if you had 99 bottles of beer on the wall"
Possible answers:
A] More than 15
B] Exactly 15
C] Less than 15
The contestant, a blond woman, said she needed help because....
...she doesn't drink beer.
Oh, no. It get's better.
They go through whatever game mechanic they use and she gets advice from some guy that looks like he knows a little about drinking beer, and he uses some of the worst math imaginable to get to the answer being "more than 15".
She answers "A", which is correct.
They eliminate the several people that got it wrong, including a Maxim model. Bob Saget asks her how she got it wrong and she replied....
....you guessed it....
"I drink wine"
Now I know why Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip got canceled.
Saturday, July 14, 2007
[Shrek] Step Away From The Computer
As if it shouldn't have occurred to me before, I have come to the conclusion that the internet is full of stupid people. It matters not if they are actually that way or just chose to act like they have no brain, the end result is pretty much the same. Stupidity.
So I have devised a "true/false" test that everyone should have to pass before they are allowed to use the internet. Failure to pass the test would result in you being banned from using the internet until such time as you have gained enough intelligence to use and communicate with others on it.
Statement #1: I believe everything I read is true. If you answered "true" to this, you fail the test before going any further. The internet is chock full of stuff that isn't even remotely close to being true. So if you are so feeble minded to think that just because it's in print it must be true, I suggest you stick to coloring books.
Statement #2: Big companies will send me lots of free stuff for sending chain letters to everyone on my contact list. If you answered "true" to this, please remove me from your contact list. There is absolutely no chance that any company will send you anything for forwarding e-mails to your friends. This also goes for those e-mails that ask you to add your name to the list in protest of something and them forward to your friends. How exactly do you think that "protest" e-mail will get to the people you want to complain to?
Statement #3: I feel the need to respond to any forum post that even remotely disagrees with my point of view. If you answered "true" to this, you may be too far gone to be worth further testing. And going one step further, if you can't identify a moron by what s/he posts on a message board then you're no better than that idiot you're replying to.
Statement #4: I can tell just by looking who I can give my personal information to over the internet. If you answered "true" to this, you should save everyone the time and trouble and just take a cash advance on all you credit cards, empty your savings accounts, and give the money to the first stranger you see on the street. You should mortgage your house while you're at it too, no sense in not going all the way.
Statement #5: I reply to every spam e-mail so they won't send me more. If you answered "true" to this, you really are stupid. By replying you just confirmed someone is reading their e-mail, resulting in you getting more spam. Oh, you mean there's an "unsubscribe" link you clicked on? Congratulations, you just guaranteed you'll be "subscribed" to even more mailing lists.
Statement #6: I download everything that is sent to me in my e-mail or I love to add all those free screensavers to my computer. If you answered "true" to either of these, just throw your computer away right now. It going to become a paperweight soon and there's no reason to wait any longer before tossing it away.
OK, so to find out of you passed, add up all the "true" answers you have.
If you answered "true" even once, you fail.
So I have devised a "true/false" test that everyone should have to pass before they are allowed to use the internet. Failure to pass the test would result in you being banned from using the internet until such time as you have gained enough intelligence to use and communicate with others on it.
Statement #1: I believe everything I read is true. If you answered "true" to this, you fail the test before going any further. The internet is chock full of stuff that isn't even remotely close to being true. So if you are so feeble minded to think that just because it's in print it must be true, I suggest you stick to coloring books.
Statement #2: Big companies will send me lots of free stuff for sending chain letters to everyone on my contact list. If you answered "true" to this, please remove me from your contact list. There is absolutely no chance that any company will send you anything for forwarding e-mails to your friends. This also goes for those e-mails that ask you to add your name to the list in protest of something and them forward to your friends. How exactly do you think that "protest" e-mail will get to the people you want to complain to?
Statement #3: I feel the need to respond to any forum post that even remotely disagrees with my point of view. If you answered "true" to this, you may be too far gone to be worth further testing. And going one step further, if you can't identify a moron by what s/he posts on a message board then you're no better than that idiot you're replying to.
Statement #4: I can tell just by looking who I can give my personal information to over the internet. If you answered "true" to this, you should save everyone the time and trouble and just take a cash advance on all you credit cards, empty your savings accounts, and give the money to the first stranger you see on the street. You should mortgage your house while you're at it too, no sense in not going all the way.
Statement #5: I reply to every spam e-mail so they won't send me more. If you answered "true" to this, you really are stupid. By replying you just confirmed someone is reading their e-mail, resulting in you getting more spam. Oh, you mean there's an "unsubscribe" link you clicked on? Congratulations, you just guaranteed you'll be "subscribed" to even more mailing lists.
Statement #6: I download everything that is sent to me in my e-mail or I love to add all those free screensavers to my computer. If you answered "true" to either of these, just throw your computer away right now. It going to become a paperweight soon and there's no reason to wait any longer before tossing it away.
OK, so to find out of you passed, add up all the "true" answers you have.
If you answered "true" even once, you fail.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
[Shrek] A Public Service Announcement
I can't hold my tongue any longer. After years of keeping my mouth shut and pretending not to notice, I can no longer sit by silently and allow you to make a fool of yourself. Truly, I'm doing this for your own good.
Hey dude, you're bald.
I know you think you're fooling us with that comb over that parts your hair an inch above your ear, but you're not. We can tell. Honest. The fact your hair all points in the same direction is a big clue that you have very little of it.
Being bald is not a big deal. I'm bald. I have been for a very long time. In the battle between my forehead and hair line the winner was obvious, although lately it seems peace has broken out and the follicle full-retreat has stopped.
My father was bald. My brother is bald. We got over it. You can too, and you can do it without the need for massive amounts of therapy.
Yes, I wear hats. And yes, I do own a lot of them. But I don't wear them to hide the fact I don't have hair, I wear them to avoid burning the top of my head. When you're bald you have to watch out for stuff like that.
Something else I need to say--if you're an older person, male or female, your hair should not be jet black. It also should not be fire engine red, bleach blond, nor any other color that looks like it was done with Paint Shop Pro. If you don't like the grey that's invading your mane, might I suggest something a tad closer to what your natural hair color was. A touch of highlights of different shades of your "natural" color would look nice too.
Your friends and family will love you no matter what your hair looks like. And once you know that, who cares what anyone else really thinks.
Hey dude, you're bald.
I know you think you're fooling us with that comb over that parts your hair an inch above your ear, but you're not. We can tell. Honest. The fact your hair all points in the same direction is a big clue that you have very little of it.
Being bald is not a big deal. I'm bald. I have been for a very long time. In the battle between my forehead and hair line the winner was obvious, although lately it seems peace has broken out and the follicle full-retreat has stopped.
My father was bald. My brother is bald. We got over it. You can too, and you can do it without the need for massive amounts of therapy.
Yes, I wear hats. And yes, I do own a lot of them. But I don't wear them to hide the fact I don't have hair, I wear them to avoid burning the top of my head. When you're bald you have to watch out for stuff like that.
Something else I need to say--if you're an older person, male or female, your hair should not be jet black. It also should not be fire engine red, bleach blond, nor any other color that looks like it was done with Paint Shop Pro. If you don't like the grey that's invading your mane, might I suggest something a tad closer to what your natural hair color was. A touch of highlights of different shades of your "natural" color would look nice too.
Your friends and family will love you no matter what your hair looks like. And once you know that, who cares what anyone else really thinks.
Friday, June 15, 2007
[Fiona] COFFEE
I love coffee. Seriously there is nothing in this world that can give me that warm and fuzzy feeling like a great cup of coffee. Now that I am older I drink half caff so I don't get the ride I once enjoyed from caffeine but it is still my favorite early morning and right after work beverage. I grew up in a household where tea was king. I didn't start to really drink coffee until I began dating my hubby. In those first few dates we couldn't drive by a Dunkin' Donuts without stopping for a cuppa. I would order cocoa or soda but I found them to be disappointing and often more expensive than coffee. One day I tried a cup of that rich, enticing brew and thus began my love affair. I find now that I look forward to the end of the day when I can sit, relax and reflect about things with my friend Mr.Coffee.
Saturday, June 9, 2007
[Fiona] The Question of Family
I apologize in advance as this post is a departure in tone from my usual posts. I haven't posted anything new in awhile. My life is complicated right now by the illness of my Mom. My mother is a walking textbook of ill health. Name a condition and it is likely that she either lives with it or has had it at some time or other. Earlier this week my mom passed out and was rushed to the hospital. My mother is currently in the CCU. Now about the question I have about family. Is it my duty to inform relatives she is sick? These relatives have in essence largely ignored my family for years. My mother has some serious mental health issues. This may be part of the reason why she(we)have been shunned. For the record it was not easy being raised by a dysfunctional parent. I know that life with my mother has not always been easy for my dad but he loves this woman with his whole being; as do I. I am the person I am because of her, inspite of her and with her help, guidance and love. She loved me the best way she knew how. I started this post on my mom's birthday, June9th.She passed away on June 11.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
[Shrek] An update to my previous post
It seems I spoke too soon as CBS canceled another show I liked, Jericho.
There have been several fan sites set up to convince CBS to bring the show back, including an online petition that claims over 65,000 electronic signatures.
There have been several fan sites set up to convince CBS to bring the show back, including an online petition that claims over 65,000 electronic signatures.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
[Shrek] Some random stuff 2
One of my favorite shows has been canceled, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. I've liked everything Aaron Sorkin has done, but like his first series Sports Night, Studio 60 was too smart for its audience. It would have been nice if NBC had given it a chance by keeping it on some sort of reasonable airing schedule. I pay attention to when it's being aired and I'm not sure when it comes back to finish its run. Changing a show's schedule like that is a killer. I figured NBC would have learned that lesson with another Sorkin gem, West Wing. Guess not.
Another of the new shows that aired in the fall of '06 I liked was Smith, which starred Ray Liotta as the head of a team of professional thieves. It was canceled after just three weeks in another case of being far too smart for the people watching it. Based on the network schedules released so far it seems all the other shows I watch ("all the other" being a misnomer, I watch like seven network shows) have survived to next season, excluding The Sopranos of course.
And what's with all these game shows in prime time? Not a single one of them is any good, nor is any all that entertaining. The same goes for these reality shows. Survivor used to be at least interesting, now everything that happens there is contrived by writers and editing. Donald Trump, who is the biggest gas bag on the planet and has the worst comb over this side of the Mississippi River, has had his show The Apprentice canceled. Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy. There's no word if he's blaming Rosie O'Donnell for getting axed by NBC yet.
Changing gears, someone needs to explain to me why the price of gas is rising so quickly. The cost of a barrel of crude oil is fairly stable and lower than it was last summer, and there's been no significant raise in demand. So why is the price skyrocketing? I'm sure it has something to do with most of the oil companies and their record profits. I'm all for the free market, but something needs to be done about these fat cats.
And while you're explaining about the cost of gas maybe you can explain to me how convenience stores and gas stations can sell milk cheaper than supermarkets. Fiona and I generally buy our groceries at the off-priced market Price Rite or at BJ's Wholesale Club, so I was shocked at the prices I saw when we wandered into Price Chopper today. Some of the "sale" prices were obscene. The story is the same at Shaw's, the market we used to go to on occasion before they closed the one that was most convenient for us to get to.
To prevent this from being all negative, Fiona and I will be heading to the Tornadoes' free preseason game Tuesday at the HIP. Fiona has been waiting for local baseball to start up since the last game ended. We'll be skipping our bowling night to go, so we prebowled this afternoon so we'd have scores for the week. I'm looking forward to Josie and Rich telling us about the complaining the other teams will do because Fiona and I were a little over our averages.
Perhaps they'll whine in their blogs about it.
Another of the new shows that aired in the fall of '06 I liked was Smith, which starred Ray Liotta as the head of a team of professional thieves. It was canceled after just three weeks in another case of being far too smart for the people watching it. Based on the network schedules released so far it seems all the other shows I watch ("all the other" being a misnomer, I watch like seven network shows) have survived to next season, excluding The Sopranos of course.
And what's with all these game shows in prime time? Not a single one of them is any good, nor is any all that entertaining. The same goes for these reality shows. Survivor used to be at least interesting, now everything that happens there is contrived by writers and editing. Donald Trump, who is the biggest gas bag on the planet and has the worst comb over this side of the Mississippi River, has had his show The Apprentice canceled. Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy. There's no word if he's blaming Rosie O'Donnell for getting axed by NBC yet.
Changing gears, someone needs to explain to me why the price of gas is rising so quickly. The cost of a barrel of crude oil is fairly stable and lower than it was last summer, and there's been no significant raise in demand. So why is the price skyrocketing? I'm sure it has something to do with most of the oil companies and their record profits. I'm all for the free market, but something needs to be done about these fat cats.
And while you're explaining about the cost of gas maybe you can explain to me how convenience stores and gas stations can sell milk cheaper than supermarkets. Fiona and I generally buy our groceries at the off-priced market Price Rite or at BJ's Wholesale Club, so I was shocked at the prices I saw when we wandered into Price Chopper today. Some of the "sale" prices were obscene. The story is the same at Shaw's, the market we used to go to on occasion before they closed the one that was most convenient for us to get to.
To prevent this from being all negative, Fiona and I will be heading to the Tornadoes' free preseason game Tuesday at the HIP. Fiona has been waiting for local baseball to start up since the last game ended. We'll be skipping our bowling night to go, so we prebowled this afternoon so we'd have scores for the week. I'm looking forward to Josie and Rich telling us about the complaining the other teams will do because Fiona and I were a little over our averages.
Perhaps they'll whine in their blogs about it.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
[Shrek] Bowling and Backpedaling
Tuesday began the couple's league I bowl in during the summer. As I mentioned earlier, I'm on a new team with Rich, Josie, and Fiona. Let's just say the league has probably never seen a team like us.
Because Fiona was going to Salter School the last couple of summers she hasn't bowled in the league since 2004. It was funny watching her open her bowling bag as she wasn't certain what was going to crawl out of it. Turns out it was just as she left it--her shoes and red, white, and blue bowling balls neatly packed away.
To say Fiona was "a little rusty" would be the understatement of the relatively new millenia. She bowled less than her previously reliable 66 average, but as the night went on she had more and more fun as the rust scraped away. The highlight of the evening was when she got a ten and nearly the entire league cheered and rang the bells they bring to indicate a teammate scored a spare or strike. Her ear-to-ear grin really solidified that we are there for the fun of it.
I had my normal night--two good strings sandwiched around an absolutely pathetic effort. I finished with a 320, which is right around where I should be scoring. Rich was a tad under where he normally bowls, but as he's bowled very little (if at all) since last summer that's not a shock. Josie wrote her own story about the night, which you can catch in her blog on the T&G website.
We bowled some good folks and we all had a great time. And as luck would have it, when it was all said and done we tied 4-4 for the evening.
Now for a complete change in direction, I'd like to say some things about Curt Schilling. As if there's anyone on the planet that doesn't know, Curt Schilling is the definition of "attention whore". There isn't a topic he doesn't have an opinion about, and he's not afraid of speaking about it. Some might say he and I have that in common, but I digress...
Schilling makes a weekly appearance on Boston's WEEI (850 AM, in Worcester it is simulcasted on WVEI 1440AM). During his call in earlier this week to the "Dennis and Callahan" show, Schilling was asked if fans should hold their noses while Barry Bonds perseus Hank Aaron's Major League all-time home run record.
His answer:
Oh yeah. I would think so. I mean, he admitted that he used steroids. I mean, there's no gray area. He admitted to cheating on his wife, cheating on his taxes, and cheating on the game, so I think the reaction around the league, the game, being what it is, in the case of what people think. Hank Aaron not being there. The commissioner trying to figure out where to be. It's sad.
And I don't care that he's black, or green, or purple, or yellow, or whatever. It's unfortunate... there's good people and bad people. It's unfortunate that it's happening the way it's happening.
Schilling has backed away from those comments, and posted an apology on his blog (which I will not link to, Google it if you want to see it).
Well Curt, you should have stood behind those comments. Yes, you were wrong when you said Bonds "admitted to cheating on his wife, cheating on his taxes, and cheating on the game", because Bonds has never admitted to doing those things. He has admitted to taking steroids, although he says it was "unknowingly". Yeah, I guess you could "unknowingly" take a substance for a few years and not wonder why you went from looking like Stan Laurel to The Incredible Hulk.
The fact is Bonds has done all of those things, he simply didn't admit to doing so. I would have liked to have seen what would have happened if just once someone would have the guts to speak out against the elephant in the room, and I thought for once Shilling would use his reputation and speak out.
Alas, I was wrong.
For humor's sake people should check out all the attacks now aimed at Schilling. Many of them are coming from the San Fransisco area. I can't say I'm surprised at that as they are the only people that believe en masse that Bonds is a victim in all of this.
Because Fiona was going to Salter School the last couple of summers she hasn't bowled in the league since 2004. It was funny watching her open her bowling bag as she wasn't certain what was going to crawl out of it. Turns out it was just as she left it--her shoes and red, white, and blue bowling balls neatly packed away.
To say Fiona was "a little rusty" would be the understatement of the relatively new millenia. She bowled less than her previously reliable 66 average, but as the night went on she had more and more fun as the rust scraped away. The highlight of the evening was when she got a ten and nearly the entire league cheered and rang the bells they bring to indicate a teammate scored a spare or strike. Her ear-to-ear grin really solidified that we are there for the fun of it.
I had my normal night--two good strings sandwiched around an absolutely pathetic effort. I finished with a 320, which is right around where I should be scoring. Rich was a tad under where he normally bowls, but as he's bowled very little (if at all) since last summer that's not a shock. Josie wrote her own story about the night, which you can catch in her blog on the T&G website.
We bowled some good folks and we all had a great time. And as luck would have it, when it was all said and done we tied 4-4 for the evening.
Now for a complete change in direction, I'd like to say some things about Curt Schilling. As if there's anyone on the planet that doesn't know, Curt Schilling is the definition of "attention whore". There isn't a topic he doesn't have an opinion about, and he's not afraid of speaking about it. Some might say he and I have that in common, but I digress...
Schilling makes a weekly appearance on Boston's WEEI (850 AM, in Worcester it is simulcasted on WVEI 1440AM). During his call in earlier this week to the "Dennis and Callahan" show, Schilling was asked if fans should hold their noses while Barry Bonds perseus Hank Aaron's Major League all-time home run record.
His answer:
Oh yeah. I would think so. I mean, he admitted that he used steroids. I mean, there's no gray area. He admitted to cheating on his wife, cheating on his taxes, and cheating on the game, so I think the reaction around the league, the game, being what it is, in the case of what people think. Hank Aaron not being there. The commissioner trying to figure out where to be. It's sad.
And I don't care that he's black, or green, or purple, or yellow, or whatever. It's unfortunate... there's good people and bad people. It's unfortunate that it's happening the way it's happening.
Schilling has backed away from those comments, and posted an apology on his blog (which I will not link to, Google it if you want to see it).
Well Curt, you should have stood behind those comments. Yes, you were wrong when you said Bonds "admitted to cheating on his wife, cheating on his taxes, and cheating on the game", because Bonds has never admitted to doing those things. He has admitted to taking steroids, although he says it was "unknowingly". Yeah, I guess you could "unknowingly" take a substance for a few years and not wonder why you went from looking like Stan Laurel to The Incredible Hulk.
The fact is Bonds has done all of those things, he simply didn't admit to doing so. I would have liked to have seen what would have happened if just once someone would have the guts to speak out against the elephant in the room, and I thought for once Shilling would use his reputation and speak out.
Alas, I was wrong.
For humor's sake people should check out all the attacks now aimed at Schilling. Many of them are coming from the San Fransisco area. I can't say I'm surprised at that as they are the only people that believe en masse that Bonds is a victim in all of this.
Sunday, May 6, 2007
[Shrek] Some Random Stuff
In our April 22nd post I said we'd talk about our recent voyage to Manchester, NH, so I shall start there.
A bunch of us from the Worcester Sharks Booster Club went up to Manchester to watch game two of the Sharks/Monarchs playoff series. Now I had been to Manchester a few times, and in fact had stayed at a hotel that looks down upon the Verizon Wireless Center. I had never been in the building, so it was something new for me on a lot of levels.
Because the trip was badly mismanaged the booster club went up in two vehicles--a rented mini-van, and my buddy Rich's Durango, which was the vehicle Fiona and I were in. We were joined by some other "Sharks buddies" Ernie and Dave. Dave is also a "Tornado buddy", so I'm sure you'll be hearing more about him in the future. The drive up was a lot of fun, a mishmash of conversations about our jobs, politics, and whatever else struck our fancy. It is here that I learned of the term "LBGs". It is extremely "non-PC", and I will not explain what it means. But I do expect to use that term a lot in the future.
So we arrive in Manchester and the first thing you notice is the Verizon Center has no lobby. Everyone is lined up outside in front of the doors waiting for them to open. Luckily it was a beautiful evening so it wasn't a problem. I can envision huge issues if it were raining or snowing, something that happens frequently in the winter.
The mini-van that was driven by Chris had arrived before us, and they were at will call getting our tickets. I was not shocked to find out there was a problem, which luckily were easily solved. I will refrain from posting about how funny it was watching Chris, who has some form of chronic laryngitis, try and communicate with the woman inside the ticket booth.
So into the building we go, and it is an oddly designed place. As you walk around the concourse you go from the standard arena look to what looks like office space, and back again. We made several stops at the Monarch's Booster club table, where they were all generally nice folks. However, the vast majority of the rest of the fans are complete numbskulls.
As the game went on every hit by a Monarchs player resulted in huge cheers; every hit by a Sharks player caused a whine so high looking for a penalty you'd have thought the building was full of preschoolers. It got to the point where we'd laugh at the crowd's reaction. Unfortunately, they got the last laugh as Manchester won the game in double OT, 4-3.
One odd aside, while we were in Manchester several of us commented how good the food was, and how there was a much wider selection over the DCU Center. Later in the series there were several Monarchs fans that came to Worcester and told us how much better the food was in the DCU Center over the Verizon Center.
I guess the saying "the grass is always greener..." fits there.
In other news...
My fall bowling leagues are just ending. In my Thursday league I had the second high average on the team and bowled fairly well throughout the season. In my Monday night league I was, well, terrible. In neither league will my teams finish in the top half, which is a shock because in the Monday league we led the pack at the halfway mark.
Tuesday will see the summer couple's league start, and I'm changing teams from who I bowled with the last couple years. I'll be bowling with Fiona, Rich, and Josie (you can read one of Josie's blogs that is linked in the right side menu). I'm going into that league to have fun and just stay loose over the summer...or so I say now.
With the Sharks being eliminated Fiona and I will focus on the Worcester Tornadoes (Can-Am league baseball) when that season starts. For now we're passing time watching the New England Surge (Continental Indoor Football League).
I'm sure there's some other stuff I'm not remembering right now, so until next time...
A bunch of us from the Worcester Sharks Booster Club went up to Manchester to watch game two of the Sharks/Monarchs playoff series. Now I had been to Manchester a few times, and in fact had stayed at a hotel that looks down upon the Verizon Wireless Center. I had never been in the building, so it was something new for me on a lot of levels.
Because the trip was badly mismanaged the booster club went up in two vehicles--a rented mini-van, and my buddy Rich's Durango, which was the vehicle Fiona and I were in. We were joined by some other "Sharks buddies" Ernie and Dave. Dave is also a "Tornado buddy", so I'm sure you'll be hearing more about him in the future. The drive up was a lot of fun, a mishmash of conversations about our jobs, politics, and whatever else struck our fancy. It is here that I learned of the term "LBGs". It is extremely "non-PC", and I will not explain what it means. But I do expect to use that term a lot in the future.
So we arrive in Manchester and the first thing you notice is the Verizon Center has no lobby. Everyone is lined up outside in front of the doors waiting for them to open. Luckily it was a beautiful evening so it wasn't a problem. I can envision huge issues if it were raining or snowing, something that happens frequently in the winter.
The mini-van that was driven by Chris had arrived before us, and they were at will call getting our tickets. I was not shocked to find out there was a problem, which luckily were easily solved. I will refrain from posting about how funny it was watching Chris, who has some form of chronic laryngitis, try and communicate with the woman inside the ticket booth.
So into the building we go, and it is an oddly designed place. As you walk around the concourse you go from the standard arena look to what looks like office space, and back again. We made several stops at the Monarch's Booster club table, where they were all generally nice folks. However, the vast majority of the rest of the fans are complete numbskulls.
As the game went on every hit by a Monarchs player resulted in huge cheers; every hit by a Sharks player caused a whine so high looking for a penalty you'd have thought the building was full of preschoolers. It got to the point where we'd laugh at the crowd's reaction. Unfortunately, they got the last laugh as Manchester won the game in double OT, 4-3.
One odd aside, while we were in Manchester several of us commented how good the food was, and how there was a much wider selection over the DCU Center. Later in the series there were several Monarchs fans that came to Worcester and told us how much better the food was in the DCU Center over the Verizon Center.
I guess the saying "the grass is always greener..." fits there.
In other news...
My fall bowling leagues are just ending. In my Thursday league I had the second high average on the team and bowled fairly well throughout the season. In my Monday night league I was, well, terrible. In neither league will my teams finish in the top half, which is a shock because in the Monday league we led the pack at the halfway mark.
Tuesday will see the summer couple's league start, and I'm changing teams from who I bowled with the last couple years. I'll be bowling with Fiona, Rich, and Josie (you can read one of Josie's blogs that is linked in the right side menu). I'm going into that league to have fun and just stay loose over the summer...or so I say now.
With the Sharks being eliminated Fiona and I will focus on the Worcester Tornadoes (Can-Am league baseball) when that season starts. For now we're passing time watching the New England Surge (Continental Indoor Football League).
I'm sure there's some other stuff I'm not remembering right now, so until next time...
Saturday, May 5, 2007
[Fiona] Football
I hadn't realized just how long it has been since I posted anything meaningful or not so meaningful. I thought I'd sit and bitch about a few observations of late. Let me say that indoor football is alive and well in Worcester,MA. I LOVE football. Well that is to say ever since hubby explained it all to me about 12 years ago. What I can do without...the cheerleaders. Eye candy is a good thing I suppose but couldn't we get it in smaller doses or maybe could they have some sort of talent other than big breasts? Being of an intelligent intellect even the "prettiest" get boring to look at if all they have to offer is their beauty. Do something for Pete's sake. The "Surge" cheerleaders don't actually do anything. If Nancy Sinatra could watch them strut out onto the field in their white vinyl boots she just might be impressed, but these girls lack a serious routine. Where are the dance moves? How about doing something other than flick the tiny gold pompoms back and forth. I keep waiting for the girls to do something: explode a breast implant or dance or do an acrobatic routine. Give me something; I can smile and shake my thing.I want to be impressed with you lot but...
Sunday, April 22, 2007
[Shrek & Fiona] We're still alive, honest!
Between hockey playoffs and a ton of little things going on (nothing too major, just time consuming) we've let our blog slip a little.
Rest assured that there will be frequent updates soon, including stuff about our recent voyage to Manchester, New Hampshire and other assorted tales.
Rest assured that there will be frequent updates soon, including stuff about our recent voyage to Manchester, New Hampshire and other assorted tales.
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
(Fiona) It's a Bitch
I came to a shocking and thought provoking conclusion the other day...I am now in that dreaded category, middle age. Shrek and I were on our way to our local BJ's when a 'sizzling car' went flying by us, music blaring. My first thought was not, "wow, nice ride" but" what an asshole". I found this thinking strange for me but Shrek mirrored my thoughts in spoken words. We are indeed getting older and with it our way of living and thinking are changing. Damn! I wanted to be young forever and now I find that I am 'youth challenged'. I remember the good ole days when I could stay up all night. Now, I can't make it to 10:30 most weekends.
The other thing that I find disturbing ; the clothing. The clothes where I enjoy shopping seem to be for the younger crowd. I can't help but wonder when my taste in clothes changed from new and stylish to comfy and warm? What's next I wonder hot cocoa before bed? Reading glasses?It's a bitch...growing old.
The other thing that I find disturbing ; the clothing. The clothes where I enjoy shopping seem to be for the younger crowd. I can't help but wonder when my taste in clothes changed from new and stylish to comfy and warm? What's next I wonder hot cocoa before bed? Reading glasses?It's a bitch...growing old.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
[Shrek] It's Just Snow, Folks
Fiona and I went to Price-Rite Friday, not because of the pending snowfall, but because we needed a few things for our traditional St Patrick's Day dinner of corned beef and cabbage. That's a tough meal to make without potatoes and cabbage, so off to the market we went. As you may have guessed, going to the market just hours before a predicted snowstorm was a tactical error.
Can someone explain to me why when the weather forecast calls for snow folks turn into a bunch of raving lunatics? Why is the need for milk, bread, and water so much greater before a snowstorm than after? And why is it you waited until the snow started to fall to realize you didn't own a shovel--or better yet--that you needed a snow blower?
So there we were in the market, and folks have their carts piled high like they're trying to prevent themselves from turning into the second coming of the Donner Party. While I was shaking my head in amazement I overheard two young men who worked there talking about how each had restocked the milk and eggs twice in the three hours the store had been open. Judging by the lack of bread in the store apparently french toast is a staple food for waiting out a storm.
Next storm I'm going to corner the cinnamon market. That will show 'em.
Also empty at the store was the rack that usually held water in gallon jugs. This came as a shock to me as I figured water would be the least of problems when it was snowing. Also in low supply was diet soda and the Doritos' rack was nearly empty. I'll let you make your own joke for that.
Fiona and I went through the store with our cart basically empty. We bought the few things that we needed, a few we didn't, and left. It was then we realized that the fun was just beginning. While we were in the store the snow had begun to fall. It was incredible, with the skies just opening up with many inches of snow falling in mere seconds causing white out conditions so bad folks could hardly keep their cars on the road. Or maybe it was just light flurries hardly sticking to the ground. It was hard to tell with the way people were driving.
But the topic of bad driving is one for another day. Maybe next time...
Can someone explain to me why when the weather forecast calls for snow folks turn into a bunch of raving lunatics? Why is the need for milk, bread, and water so much greater before a snowstorm than after? And why is it you waited until the snow started to fall to realize you didn't own a shovel--or better yet--that you needed a snow blower?
So there we were in the market, and folks have their carts piled high like they're trying to prevent themselves from turning into the second coming of the Donner Party. While I was shaking my head in amazement I overheard two young men who worked there talking about how each had restocked the milk and eggs twice in the three hours the store had been open. Judging by the lack of bread in the store apparently french toast is a staple food for waiting out a storm.
Next storm I'm going to corner the cinnamon market. That will show 'em.
Also empty at the store was the rack that usually held water in gallon jugs. This came as a shock to me as I figured water would be the least of problems when it was snowing. Also in low supply was diet soda and the Doritos' rack was nearly empty. I'll let you make your own joke for that.
Fiona and I went through the store with our cart basically empty. We bought the few things that we needed, a few we didn't, and left. It was then we realized that the fun was just beginning. While we were in the store the snow had begun to fall. It was incredible, with the skies just opening up with many inches of snow falling in mere seconds causing white out conditions so bad folks could hardly keep their cars on the road. Or maybe it was just light flurries hardly sticking to the ground. It was hard to tell with the way people were driving.
But the topic of bad driving is one for another day. Maybe next time...
Saturday, March 10, 2007
[Shrek] Put Down the Damn Phone...
There are very few things that annoy me more than people on cell phones.
Now I don't have a problem with folks talking on them while they're walking from place to place outdoors, or huddled by doors outside buildings while sneaking a quick smoke of a cancer stick. I can certainly see where making a quick call home while in the grocery store to see if you milk or bread would be appropriate.
I have a problem with the morons who do it while driving.
There is almost no reason why your car should be moving and you on your cell phone. Are you lost? Pull over to make that call asking for directions. Are you late? Here's a novel concept, leave for your destination earlier. Reporting a crime or road hazard gets you a free pass, but let's be honest here, most people can count the number of times they've done that on one hand and have a substantial number of fingers left over.
For the record, ordering Chinese food or pizza does not generally constitute an emergency.
Now I know what you're thinking--"I can drive safely and talk on the phone." No, no you can't. Countless number of times Fiona and I have been driving along on the highway and come up on a car in the slow lane doing 45mph in a 65mph zone, the car weaving about in its lane. Drunk driving? No, it's a moron on a cell phone. And as if talking on the cell phone wasn't a distraction enough on its own, you've decided to drive 20mph below the speed limit in the lane folks use to get on and off the highway.
At least you had enough sense to put the coffee down and steer with your other hand. Or were you just putting it down to grab the doughnut?
And speaking of putting the phone down, how about these mental midgets that continue on with their phone conversations while they interact with folks right in front of them? Now that you've wandered into the store with the phone welded to your head to grab your sandwich, bag of chips, and 55 gallon drum of diet soda, do you think you could spare 15 seconds of your valuable time to actually interact with the clerk right in front of you instead of grumbling that you want a pack of Marlboro's and shoving a $20 bill in their direction?
A few weeks ago Fiona and I went out to breakfast (not a huge shock for those that know us). We went to Bickford's in Auburn, and as we're regulars the routine there is pretty well set--we sit in a very large booth and as the waitresses have a few moments they come over and sit and catch up on things from the last time we saw them.
As we were sitting, waiting for our order they sat a man a table or so away. His cell phone never left his ear the entire time he was there. Based on his side of the conversation, which could clearly be heard as he all but yelled into his phone, there wasn't anything that couldn't have waited 20 minutes while he ordered and ate.
I won't get into the stupidity of his breakfast order other than to say that if you're so worried about the amount of fat in the bacon that you order it burnt perhaps going to out to breakfast isn't really the correct option for you.
So while we're on the subject of cell phones, how about we mention those ear pieces folks wear that make them look like Uhura from Star Trek? Or maybe more correctly, make them look like flippin' idiots? With them you now have all the other cell phone problems, with the additional stupidity of not knowing if the moron on the phone is actually speaking to you or not.
For full disclosure, I do own a cell phone. I rarely use it. I use it so infrequently my voice mail says "don't leave a message because I don't check for them". Many people ask why I bother to have one if I don't use it. The answer is simple...
....someday I may wish to order a pizza.
Now I don't have a problem with folks talking on them while they're walking from place to place outdoors, or huddled by doors outside buildings while sneaking a quick smoke of a cancer stick. I can certainly see where making a quick call home while in the grocery store to see if you milk or bread would be appropriate.
I have a problem with the morons who do it while driving.
There is almost no reason why your car should be moving and you on your cell phone. Are you lost? Pull over to make that call asking for directions. Are you late? Here's a novel concept, leave for your destination earlier. Reporting a crime or road hazard gets you a free pass, but let's be honest here, most people can count the number of times they've done that on one hand and have a substantial number of fingers left over.
For the record, ordering Chinese food or pizza does not generally constitute an emergency.
Now I know what you're thinking--"I can drive safely and talk on the phone." No, no you can't. Countless number of times Fiona and I have been driving along on the highway and come up on a car in the slow lane doing 45mph in a 65mph zone, the car weaving about in its lane. Drunk driving? No, it's a moron on a cell phone. And as if talking on the cell phone wasn't a distraction enough on its own, you've decided to drive 20mph below the speed limit in the lane folks use to get on and off the highway.
At least you had enough sense to put the coffee down and steer with your other hand. Or were you just putting it down to grab the doughnut?
And speaking of putting the phone down, how about these mental midgets that continue on with their phone conversations while they interact with folks right in front of them? Now that you've wandered into the store with the phone welded to your head to grab your sandwich, bag of chips, and 55 gallon drum of diet soda, do you think you could spare 15 seconds of your valuable time to actually interact with the clerk right in front of you instead of grumbling that you want a pack of Marlboro's and shoving a $20 bill in their direction?
A few weeks ago Fiona and I went out to breakfast (not a huge shock for those that know us). We went to Bickford's in Auburn, and as we're regulars the routine there is pretty well set--we sit in a very large booth and as the waitresses have a few moments they come over and sit and catch up on things from the last time we saw them.
As we were sitting, waiting for our order they sat a man a table or so away. His cell phone never left his ear the entire time he was there. Based on his side of the conversation, which could clearly be heard as he all but yelled into his phone, there wasn't anything that couldn't have waited 20 minutes while he ordered and ate.
I won't get into the stupidity of his breakfast order other than to say that if you're so worried about the amount of fat in the bacon that you order it burnt perhaps going to out to breakfast isn't really the correct option for you.
So while we're on the subject of cell phones, how about we mention those ear pieces folks wear that make them look like Uhura from Star Trek? Or maybe more correctly, make them look like flippin' idiots? With them you now have all the other cell phone problems, with the additional stupidity of not knowing if the moron on the phone is actually speaking to you or not.
For full disclosure, I do own a cell phone. I rarely use it. I use it so infrequently my voice mail says "don't leave a message because I don't check for them". Many people ask why I bother to have one if I don't use it. The answer is simple...
....someday I may wish to order a pizza.
Thursday, March 8, 2007
[Fiona] It's Always Something
One morning just recently I found myself perched precariously close to the floor in my bedroom. Mind you, I was sitting on my bed at the time, when I was suddenly and quite unexpectedly rocked forward by a loud crack and an awful shudder. To my disgust and horror our bed had expired. I say expire because it had been suffering horribly of late and Shrek and I knew it would only be a matter of time 'til the old gal just wouldn't have it any more and just...
In the famous words of Gilda Radner, "It's always something." After Shrek came and rescued me from the mass that once stood as our bed we had the "talk". The talk of unbelieveability is what I call it. "Can you believe this?" "Why today?" "This is just unbelieveable!" Imagine if the bed could talk. She would say something along the lines of,"Yes, believe it. I have been waiting for over two years to retire. I gave you ample warning of my intentions; I was ignored by both of you equally. Well, now I am beyond tired so I am done!" She gave out one last cry and was no more.
Now the only problem that remained was getting a new bed. To the ordinary human this would be a no-brainer but not for the Shrek and I, we simply had no idea. How sad is it to be mattress illiterate? I did the only thing a gal can do in this situation, I turned to the internet. Someone really should run a "how to" site for stuff that nobody knows how to. You know like how to buy a good quality mattress without getting ripped off and things of that nature that most people have NO CLUE about. I read everything I could find on the internet and was no more confident with the new info I possessed.
Shrek and I have been left to our own devices. What to do? Is it just me or does everyone have to face the fact that the tax return that they've waited all year for seems to get spent even before you get it in the mail? Damn...
In the famous words of Gilda Radner, "It's always something." After Shrek came and rescued me from the mass that once stood as our bed we had the "talk". The talk of unbelieveability is what I call it. "Can you believe this?" "Why today?" "This is just unbelieveable!" Imagine if the bed could talk. She would say something along the lines of,"Yes, believe it. I have been waiting for over two years to retire. I gave you ample warning of my intentions; I was ignored by both of you equally. Well, now I am beyond tired so I am done!" She gave out one last cry and was no more.
Now the only problem that remained was getting a new bed. To the ordinary human this would be a no-brainer but not for the Shrek and I, we simply had no idea. How sad is it to be mattress illiterate? I did the only thing a gal can do in this situation, I turned to the internet. Someone really should run a "how to" site for stuff that nobody knows how to. You know like how to buy a good quality mattress without getting ripped off and things of that nature that most people have NO CLUE about. I read everything I could find on the internet and was no more confident with the new info I possessed.
Shrek and I have been left to our own devices. What to do? Is it just me or does everyone have to face the fact that the tax return that they've waited all year for seems to get spent even before you get it in the mail? Damn...
Saturday, March 3, 2007
[Fiona] A Conversation With My Cat
First let me say that I LOVE Saturday mornings. I sleep in. Cartoons are on and I find myself in a light-hearted mood brought on by memories of childhood and cartoons and scrambled eggs.
I awoke this morning to a room filled with the warm rays of the sun filtering through my curtains and my cat talking. Yes, I said talking, not to me but to the birds. "Meep, brrmeow, grrmeep, brrmeow".
I stretched out the night kinks in my muscles and reached down along side the bed to give the cat a pat on the head. "Brrmeow,meep,mee,mee,brrmeow?"
Silly cat, do you really think the birds are going to sympathize with you and calmy fly into your mouth?
Every morning it's the same routine. Cat wants the flying mysteries outside my window, cat is disappointed. Proves the old saying: Hope Springs Eternal. I must say the cat never seems to let down. Afterall, there's always tomorrow, right?
I talk to the cat in soothing tones and promise her some snackies. We toddle off to the kitchen together. I set the coffee pot up and give out the promised treats. Later as I pour yet another life renewing cup of rich, dark coffee I can hear the cat off in the distance talking to the birds..."Brrrmeow, meep?"
Who knows, maybe they are friends just catching up on yesterdays news.
I awoke this morning to a room filled with the warm rays of the sun filtering through my curtains and my cat talking. Yes, I said talking, not to me but to the birds. "Meep, brrmeow, grrmeep, brrmeow".
I stretched out the night kinks in my muscles and reached down along side the bed to give the cat a pat on the head. "Brrmeow,meep,mee,mee,brrmeow?"
Silly cat, do you really think the birds are going to sympathize with you and calmy fly into your mouth?
Every morning it's the same routine. Cat wants the flying mysteries outside my window, cat is disappointed. Proves the old saying: Hope Springs Eternal. I must say the cat never seems to let down. Afterall, there's always tomorrow, right?
I talk to the cat in soothing tones and promise her some snackies. We toddle off to the kitchen together. I set the coffee pot up and give out the promised treats. Later as I pour yet another life renewing cup of rich, dark coffee I can hear the cat off in the distance talking to the birds..."Brrrmeow, meep?"
Who knows, maybe they are friends just catching up on yesterdays news.
Friday, March 2, 2007
[Fiona] Hello It's Me
Hubby[Shrek] broached the idea of doing a dual-based blog and I sort of grunted at the idea. Most times I am not interested in the thoughts that cloud my head so imagine my surprise that somehow someone out there might find what I say interesting. Being the person I am I will give anything a try once. So here goes:
Hello, It's Me.
The name Fiona has always set in my imagination images of a European porn star. I don't know why but when I think Fiona I think exotic and kinky. While I can be both exotic and kinky let me say for the record that I am neither European nor a porn star. I am just a slightly crazy wifey in her 40's who struggles with the everyday just trying to find a little spot of happiness.
Hello, It's Me.
The name Fiona has always set in my imagination images of a European porn star. I don't know why but when I think Fiona I think exotic and kinky. While I can be both exotic and kinky let me say for the record that I am neither European nor a porn star. I am just a slightly crazy wifey in her 40's who struggles with the everyday just trying to find a little spot of happiness.
[Shrek] The beginning
A couple days ago I mentioned to my wife [Fiona] that it would be fun if we were to set up a blog where we would both be able to post about things we were thinking about, or stuff that interests us...stuff like that. Now I know that separately we both have enough to say to have our own blogs, but where's the fun in having two different blogs? Plus as an added benefit if one of us gets lazy there will still be some updates. And anyone that knows who we are knows it's going to happen.
As if this needs an explanation, posts titles that starts with [Shrek] are mine, and those that start with [Fiona] are my wife's. On occasion you'll see both, meaning we wrote it together.
To make it perfectly clear, there isn't any shred of truth to the rumor Fiona and I started this blog in response to our friend Josie Brown calling us "a pair of our Sharks-going buddies" and not giving us cool nicknames in her 2/28 post on her blog on the T&G's site (The Night Fantastic, linked in the menu on the right). I realize the rumor hasn't been started yet, but when we're all famous and have our own Wikipedia entries it will rear its ugly head, so I thought I'd nip it in the bud right now.
If you haven't figured it out by now, neither Fiona nor I will be taking this too seriously. There will be lots of sarcasm, lots of humor--or maybe more correctly--attempts at humor, and the occasional rant about topics, both Worcester related and national, that raise our ire.
Let the games begin.
As if this needs an explanation, posts titles that starts with [Shrek] are mine, and those that start with [Fiona] are my wife's. On occasion you'll see both, meaning we wrote it together.
To make it perfectly clear, there isn't any shred of truth to the rumor Fiona and I started this blog in response to our friend Josie Brown calling us "a pair of our Sharks-going buddies" and not giving us cool nicknames in her 2/28 post on her blog on the T&G's site (The Night Fantastic, linked in the menu on the right). I realize the rumor hasn't been started yet, but when we're all famous and have our own Wikipedia entries it will rear its ugly head, so I thought I'd nip it in the bud right now.
If you haven't figured it out by now, neither Fiona nor I will be taking this too seriously. There will be lots of sarcasm, lots of humor--or maybe more correctly--attempts at humor, and the occasional rant about topics, both Worcester related and national, that raise our ire.
Let the games begin.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
