[Fiona] WTF !

Anyone who uses text messaging will recognize the gist of my feelings from the title. I went to my friendly, local WW meeting this morning. I lost 2.6 pounds this week. For the record, I have lost 89.6 pounds in 30 weeks. I have worked diligently at adopting and adapting new eating habits. Recently, I have even taken up exercise as well. So imagine my shock when my leader told me that I need to get a note from my doctor to continue my efforts as "corporate has been cracking down on leaders who allow people to lose more than the allotted average 2 pounds a week" OKAY! WHAT THE FUCK!?!

My WW meeting means the world to me. I have met some really incredible people there. In the book you get that very first week it says,"Please note : Everyone loses weight at a different pace. The success stories you see in the WW program materials are included for your inspiration and motivation. They are not representative of the results you may achieve." Even their own front office admits individual results may happen,from the mouths of babes.

In my lifetime I have lost and gained enough pounds to sustain 2 people. When I diet I stick to program and the weight falls off as it chooses not as I choose. I understand the concern. Sometimes people go to the opposite extreme. They become obsessed with losing weight and make themselves sick in the process. This week I will put a call into my doctor to touch base and make sure that I am indeed healthy. I am confident that the answer will be; yes, absolutely. I haven't felt this well since I was in my 20's.

Just so you know corporate people at WW. The best way to kill some one's best efforts is to pull a stunt like the one visited on myself today. My spirit and my efforts will not be crushed.

[Fiona] Large Marge Chronicles

I have created a blog of my very own called oddly enough Large Marge Chronicles. I felt that it would be a good thing as it will only be about my experiences on my road to the "Land of Normal Sizes". I didn't tell Shrek of my intentions and he has informed me that he doesn't have a problem with me chronicling about my journey here. I will be blogging at both spots until I figure out what is best for me. So watch for up and coming posts about the crazy and off beat happenings I call my life. So goodnight kids as I am off to the gym to do water aerobics...

[Shrek] Television for the new season

If you're not really interested in what Fiona and I will be watching during the new fall TV season, this will be a very long and boring blog entry. If you are interested, it will just be long.

Ever since Fiona and I decided to get the DVR through Charter we've been able to watch a lot more television shows than we did before we had it. Automatic recording (without having to deal with changing video tape), fast forwarding through commercials, and being able to watch the programs when we want make the DVR well worth the money. Finding the time to watch all the programs is tough sometimes, but it's still worth it.

Starting on Monday nights the DVR gets a workout as Fiona and I both go out that night. We'll be recording the NBC lineup that night, with new shows Chuck (website) and Journeyman (website) sandwiched around one of our favorite returning shows, Heroes (website).

Tuesday nights have just a couple of shows we're watching on CBS, with NCIS (website) being one we made sure not to miss even before we got the DVR. Fiona's favorite character is Abby, the heavily into goth forensic specialist. We'll also be checking out the new show Cane (website), although I'm not sure this one will make the cut.

On Wednesday the DVR will approach meltdown as it records five different shows, including two at the same time TWICE! We'll begin with Back To You (website), the only sitcom on our list. It started last week and stars Kelsey Grammer and Patricia Heaton. Fred Willard also stars, and that alone makes it worth watching. While we're watching/recording that, we're also recording Pushing Daisies (website), a show about a person that can touch dead people and make them alive again, and he uses that talent to solve crimes. It sounds...interesting.

At 9pm we have another two shows going at once, the Grey's Anatomy spin-off called Private Practice (website) on ABC, and the new NBC show Bionic Woman (website). One of these shows is probably going to kill off the other, so I suspect one will be moving or canceled before too long. After those two we'll be recording another new NBC show, Life (website). Of all the new shows, this one looks like the most likely winner. (If that isn't the Kiss of Death for the show I don't know what is).

Thursday is an easy night, with just Grey's Anatomy (website) on the docket.

Friday is another CBS evening, with Fiona's favorite show Ghost Whisperer (website). It's a show that I watched during season one, but I just couldn't get into it. The next is a new show about vampire fighters, Moonlight (website), an easy addition to our lineup. The evening ends with Numb3rs (website), a show that may be the best on television.

Saturday and Sunday sees just one show being recorded, Shark (website). Fiona doesn't watch it, and to be honest it isn't that great of a show. But it has James Woods being a continuous smartass, and I find that's enough to carry the show.

Other programs we watch but don't care too much if we miss is Mythbusters (website) on Discovery, Real Time with Bill Maher (website) on HBO (a show that Fiona says she "hates"), and an assorted amount of stuff on The History Channel.

So there you have it, the shows we're planning on watching...

...lineup subject to change, of course.

[Shrek & Fiona] A New Look

Out with old, in with the new...

...well, new for us anyway. We've decided to ditch the black background and switch to a more eye-pleasing blue.

Fiona thought the black color was a look that was too dark, and made it difficult to read the posts. I had no opinion on the matter, so we made the change.

Compromises like this show why our relationship has lasted as long as it has.

[Fiona] Soup's On

Shrek and I have a cat the color of Halloween. Her name is Esmeralda.We inherited her after the passing of Shrek's grandmother two summers ago. I have come to believe that she was named after Alice Ghostly's character on Bewitched. Like her name sake she is shy,reserved and tends to skulk about timidly before disappearing. She would rather hang around at your feet than be picked up and pawed (pardon the expression).

Every morning she and I share the same morning routine. My alarm stuns me awake at 5:00 am. I rub the sleep from my eyes and stroll into the lady's room. Esmeralda races me to the bathroom. She waits for me to alight the porcelain and then launches herself onto the counter where she strolls casually back and forth swishing her tail and mewling in my general direction. A quick flush sends her into a frenzy. This is the moment she has waited for...the water. Soup's On.

I try to wash my hands, she tries to get to the water coming out of the spigot. We push against each other. I give her a little room, she steps into the sink and attempts to take over. I shut off the taps and reach into the cabinets to get a washcloth and some towels for my shower and facial rituals. Each and every morning I care for my face utilizing the sink and an assortment of beauty secrets. A girl has to look her best!

Esmeralda watches as I run the water. The stopper goes in. The sink fills with hot water. It is beyond me why she thinks I am making her something to drink but every morning she must taste the "soup". In response to its lack luster flavor she flicks her head at me and turns her back on the sink. In a feeble attempt to enrich the soup's flavor she puts her tail into the sink and flips it across the water. As I continue with the scrubbing of my face, she stirs the soup. I pick her tail out of the water. She flicks it outward, soaking my nightie and promptly dips her tail back into the water. This time I pull it out and give it a quick squeeze so it is not dripping. She gives me that look. You know the one. She is pissed. How dare I wet her tail! Who do you think you are?

She jumps down,looks up at me,mews and leaves me to my own means. I think it's her way of saying, "Same time tomorrow?"

[Fiona] The Story of Large Marge

Hello, My name is Fiona and I am an addict. I love food. Not for its nutritional values but for its textures and smells and delectableness (if that indeed is a word). I am the classic overeater. I eat because of what is eating me. Well, I decided in March of this year to give up the lifestyle. This Large Marge just couldn't take it or fake it anymore. My knees hurt, my back, my soul; there wasn't a square inch of me that wasn't suffering in some way. I needed to face facts...no Twinkie has ever been my friend. He has only been carefully disguised in gooey sweetness to entice me into believe that he and he alone could make me "feel better".

Being honest about the whys of my eating have not been easy. I never realized before that I viewed life through woe-colored glasses. I was the honored guest at my own pity party. There was no room for anyone else's problems, only mine. My hurt, my anger, my disappointments, my failures, I let them hang around my soul like the chains of Marley's ghost. I let the air out of the balloons and sent back all the gifts. That party is officially over.

As of now I have lost 78 pounds. It has been a path I tread not lightly but willingly. Some days it has been dark and scary and yet inviting at the same time for who knows what lies over that hill? I journey on not knowing where I will end up. On the way I have found that there are many people in my life who care for me deeply. Without their love and support I don't know if I would have made it very far on the road. I offer them my deepest thanks and only hope some day I will be able to return all the kindness they have shown and shared with me.

I am now several sizes smaller than when I started. I find myself at a crossroads of decisions. Decisions which should be easy for me to make and yet I find myself hesitating. I am not sure why. Could it be I fear the hill never flattens out? Or lessens? Or changes to smooth and even footing? I think it is that the territory I move in now is closer to a place I have only imagined I can be a part of. That's right, the "Land of Normal Sizes". A place I always thought was just a spot on the map of my life; a nice place to "visit" but there was just no way I'd ever be able to live there.

I now know that spot on the map is a real place. Not today but some day soon I will walk into the "Land of Normal Sizes" and I will fight tooth and nail to stay. To win the day "you must know yourself, stay true to yourself, and wrest your destiny from the grasp of life." Author unknown

Never give up on the person you are meant to become.

Words I try to live by.