[Fiona] ARGH !!!

A fog has rolled in and I am having difficulty cutting through the haze to find the sun. How's that for waxing poetic? I am in a funk. I am battling the sadness demon. I feel useless in my job and I feel overwhelmed taking care of my dad. I am not sure which way to turn. I have always been multi-talented. I sing, draw, paint, write. In other words I can do lots of things well but not any one thing well enough to earn a living at it. It frustrates the bejeezus out of me.

As a little girl I wanted to be a ballerina. No, that didn't pan out, way too much work and not enough food. The same can be said about the art career I wanted and the writing. So I settled on not really setting the bar for anything. I was complaining to Shrek just this morning that I was pissed because life didn't turn out the way I planned. Funny thing is I never really made any plans so... didn't it turn out just the way I planned it? Odd but true. Life happens around you even if you don't participate in it.

I get frustrated because I want to work in a job that I care about. A job where I can make a difference and I am respected for my input. Is this really too much to ask for? I suffer from being more intelligent than my job. I suffer from(I have)too much brains(stop laughing) and not enough education in any one thing so I can make a career. Ok... maybe I am a dumb ass. Do you see the recurring theme here? Is it too late at age 44 to change lanes?

I have a lot of life left to live; well, I hope so anyway. How do I find meaningful employment that will pay the bills and help me build a nest egg? There is something to be said for the person who is fearless, not afraid to go after what they deserve. I wish I had that kind of confidence in my abilities.